Western men who get involved with Thai Bar Girls.
Discussing the whole issue of Western men being ensnared by Thai Bar girls is a sensitive subject. Let me be clear that I am not here to judge who is right or wrong , I neither support nor condemn. I am just here to share my perspective from my experience of consulting and hearing many sad stories.
To be honest here at TGA we post on various websites about this and it causes no end of controversy but I feel it is important to talk about this openly and so in this post I want to provide a sensitive but honest perspective of what we see from various clients and also with the insight of a Thai woman who has the opportunity to see it from both sides.
You know the truth is that Thailand has many beautiful things, we have amazing Temples, beautiful palaces, wonderful food, unique culture , friendly people and as many people say we are the land of smiles. But just like any country there will always be a dark side…a negative to the positives and this issue is one of ours but in truth although it gets a lot of attention it really is only a very small part of our society.
Let me clarify that I am talking specifically about “ Thai Bar girls ” or the type of Thai girls that tend to make some kind of living from the gratuity of Western men visiting Thailand. I am well aware that there is a further set of Thai girls who are more subtle in this behavior and some who might be classed as normal Thai Girls but are really nothing more than Gold Diggers.
I recently told a client that one of the biggest problems I see for Western men when they get involved with Thai bar girls is that they choose only to believe what they want to believe and see what they want to see.
Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying that it is their fault and that some of those Thai bar girls have no blame but from what I see the girls are doing a job and the men deep down know that but for many reasons choose not to accept it or admit the real truth. I am not saying it could never be possible for a girl to give up the bar work and change her ways for the love of a good honest man but I do think you have to be crystal clear about what would be involved here and that the chances of that happening are low and the risk of men getting hurt either emotionally or financially or in most cases both are high.
A while ago we posted an article written by Dean called “If you keep a crocodile as a pet you must understand it’s nature” which I have always believed is an excellent perspective on this subject and one that I recommend any Farang involved with a Thai Bar girl type to read because it gives you the right way to think about this type of relationship.
In fact it’s very good marketing…..tell the client what they want to hear…
or sell them what they want to buy!
My point here is that I see many Western men who are well aware of what their new found love is involved with, even to the point where they have had them spied on and caught in the act of cheating on them with another man. But to be honest can we really call this cheating when in fact she is just doing her job and her job is to serve you whatever you want, to make you happy, to make you feel good, to make you feel special , something you can not get from home and that is the point when you are happy to spend your money, enjoy to spend your time with her and want to come back to see her again….
NOW YOU ARE HOOKED!….. and the problem is that her job will make her tell you exactly what you want to hear and if what you want to hear is …” You are handsome, you look younger than your age, you look kind and warm to be with,there is no one like you, you are her special love, her real boyfriend “.. blah..blah..blah…… Then that is what she will tell you. In fact it’s very good marketing…..tell the client what they want to hear… sell them what they want to buy!….and that is how she get’s what she wants.
So here is some Advice for Western men who get involved with a Thai Bar Girl.
Just like the crocodile post says. If you really must get involved with a girl like this, if you feel you just cannot do without her then make sure your eyes are open and you are aware of what you are dealing with. Whether you feel you can change the life of a Thai Bar Girl or not is not the issue because for someone to change like that requires a lot of personal work as well as very strong support from a loving partner who can forgive and forget the past because mistrust due to her past will be a major issue.
The issue for Western men is can you accept the results of your choices and actions. If at the end of the day she does cheat on you, she does leave you for a better deal, if she does break your heart and your bank account will you accept that it was as much your choice as it was her job? Will you then become negative to all Thai women and paint them with the same brush?…I hope not!
In another post on this subject I will share some insights from the Thai Bar Girl side…so keep a look out for that
Sawasdee Ka and Chok Dee