Thai Girlfriend Advisor

Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

Tag: understanding thai women

Understanding jealousy

Jealousy and Thai women in some more depth.

Before I do let’s understand and be clear that jealousy is an emotion that affects everyone not just Thai women. As the Thai Girlfriend Advisor though it is my job to talk about it from a Thai perspective and I do admit that Thai women are prone to jealousy for some cultural reasons which I have raised in another post and will refer to in this post.

See my other post: Understanding Thai women – My Thai girlfriend is so jealous

Although jealousy is often given a negative label it is a natural and necessary emotion, otherwise we humans would not come equipped with it. It is only when it becomes obsessive, unreasonable and paranoid that it ceases to serve us in any good way and becomes destructive.

Consider for a moment relationships without any jealousy…do you really think we could love each other that way?

When we love someone we don’t want to share them with anyone because we want to be the sole object of their affections. We want to be the special one that their universe revolves around. So sometimes jealousy comes from a  positive emotion and that is love. But everything has two sides as many universal laws confirm and so there is negative and positive to jealousy.

The positive side to jealousy is that it means someone loves us and that we love someone. If you are the object of reasonable jealousy because perhaps you seem to be paying someone else the attention your lover seeks then this can be seen as a positive jealousy.

If your lover responds with:

“yes darling I do feel a bit jealous at how you were laughing and joking so much with that woman and she is very attractive and I know you love me but I can’t help wanting you to myself. I know you are free to talk to anyone you wish and I do trust you..but I love you but it’s ok I am not angry”

Is there anything wrong with this?

As I said to begin with jealousy is not exclusive to Thai women but does appear often in relationships with Thai women whether with Farang or Thai and this is because our social conditioning plays a role in many of our belief systems which in turn create our emotions and so when we look at Thai women we do see that cultural and social conditions have shaped them just like they do in other cultures.

In addition to the historical cultural behavior of Thai men and their “Mia Noi’s” which I talk about in my other post another influence that shape Thai women’s belief systems about jealousy are that there are proportionately more women to men in Thailand an ever increasing number of which are gay.

There are proportionately more women to men in Thailand an ever increasing number of which are gay. Other men enter religious practices and become monks and some join the army.

I have no doubt some of you might think this seems like a ridiculous reason but for women in Thailand it is actually very real dilemma sometimes. Finding an eligible man is not always easy and so when they find one they have a very real fear that another women, whether a Mia Noi or not will take his interest.

I know that many Western men have the view that this jealousy is caused by issues regarding money and I will discuss that in another post.

For now I hope that the perspectives I present can help in understanding the issues concerning Thai women and jealousy. Remember this information should be used to improve your understanding in a relationship with a Thai woman and not to be used as an excuse against her.

With Love, Hope and Solutions


signature

Condividi nel tuo profilo Surfpeople

Social Share Button

Understanding Thai women – My Thai girlfriend is so jealous!

Many western men comment on how jealous their Thai girlfriends and Thai wives can be.

So let me  share with you some insight’s on what seems like jealousy or paranoia on the part of Thai women is embedded deep in Thai culture.

Firstly I don’t want you to think that this is just an attack on Thai men because really they are only just a victim to years of Thai culture as well so we must be careful not to lay blame in only one place  . To Thai men I ask you to consider if the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel..really try to put yourself in the same position as what I am about to tell you.

The simple fact is that Thai culture and  Thai society has allowed the behavior of Thai men to have more than one wife.

Even though today it is frowned upon and the cause of such a high percentage of relationship and marital problems between Thai men and Thai women it still happens but it is not just as straight forward as a man being allowed to have two wives, it is a little more complicated than that.

One of the issues in Thailand is that it is not really neccessary to get a registered marriage, very often the traditional Thai wedding ceremony performed in front of your family and social circle is enough to say you are married. Basically in the eyes of everyone you are married.

Traditional Thai marriage ceremony

For a marriage to be legal in Thailand it must be registered at a District office and a marriage certificate issued. Many Thai men do not like to sign these papers for one reason or another, many feel it is a waste of time and cannot be bothered. Also the parents of both parties are not able to insist upon it and so it goes unregistered.

Thai marriage certificate

This very often is the case in a first marriage when the couple are very young with love stars in their eyes. They will only have a traditional Thai wedding ceremony and not bother with registration at a district office. Over the years the wife will do many things to support her husband and family helping him with business and all sorts of things and then one day the man will take a mistress/girlfriend and this is where the problems begin.

They may well have been married for 10 years or even more but there is no legal document to say so. But when the new Thai girlfriend gets her claws into the man very often he will feel pressured to marry her and get it registered and she then has all the rights in the eyes of the law leaving the primary Thai wife with little rights to anything. I have seen many court cases and heard many stories of this over the years.

Of course this sort of thing only really happens in the larger Cities in Thailand where there is property and assets at stake.

  • This is just one issue, because here is another problem.

In the more affluent Thai society it is all too common for many Thai men to take a girlfriend even though they are married. If they can afford it they will keep this going for years happily supporting both. One of the things in Thailand is the wearing of rings is not so readily practiced like the West and so it is often difficult to tell if someone is married or not.

‘Quite often when you see an older Thai man with a younger Thai woman it is very likely his Thai girlfriend and not his Thai wife’

Tekgor Nakornpathom
Tekgor Nakornpathom

In contrast though, there is a true story of a man ( Tekgor) who lives on the outskirts of Bangkok who has 7 wives and 22 children they all live together quite happily. He was interviewed on Television one time and was asked how he could keep such harmony in his household with 7 wives and 22 children.

So this leads me to the point of why Thai women can often seem paranoid or over jealous

When you put yourself in this situation as I mentioned it is easy to understand why. I do not blame men because it is Thai culture and Thai marriage law that allows this to occur and until something is done about it then it will continue.

Although this might seem like a negative perspective it is a fact of Thai culture and if you are a western man then I feel it will help give you a little more understanding of your Thai girlfriend or Thai wife if sometimes she has difficulty in believing you are monogamous. Monogamy is in fact one of the reasons Thai women have become interested in Western men as it is portrayed that Western men place much more value on being a ‘one woman man”.

I hope this help you understand more about Thai women.

With love hope and solutions

More information on Understanding Thai women


signature

Condividi nel tuo profilo Surfpeople

Social Share Button

Understanding Thai women – misunderstandings

Language differences can cause misunderstanding with Thai women

Through experience I have come to realize how important misunderstandings in Intercultural relationships really are and in particular between Western men and Thai women. If you are a Western man with a Thai girlfriend or a Thai wife then this article is for you to give you some tips to help you understand Thai women.

But let me give you a word of caution although some of my tips sound simple they are not always easy to carry out…but they are effective and if you can find yourself trying them I feel sure it well help you greatly in your relationship with Thai women. I will talk about 1 tip here and then give others in more articles. In his famous book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venusauthor John Gray talks about how men and women really talk a different language. When a woman says one thing the man actually believes she means something different and vice verca. So imagine how more complicated this issue becomes when you throw in the mix of an intercultural relationship between Thai women and Western men. Wow…now that’s a recipe for some misunderstandings for sure!!

My First Tip to help understand Thai women

My first tip is to not react negatively too quickly to your Thai woman, Thai girlfriend or Thai wife when she is trying to explain something. Now I know this sounds simple but sometimes our emotions and ego’s can get in our way and not always make us have the patience we need. What I hope you can understand is that sometimes for Thai women we are not able to express ourselves well enough in English. This can be very frustrating and sometimes that frustration can simply overwhelm us. I know that sometimes I get so frustrated with myself at not being able to explain something to my husband, I just can’t seem to help him understand what I mean because I cannot find the right words or I use the wrong words. Sometimes this can make me go quiet and this can then frustrate him. This just boils down to a lack of vocabulary and so that is why I say if you can just be patient with us and not react too quickly when we fail to find the words quick enough to explain or express ourselves it will help greatly. Try to be patient and encourage us to to explain, just take a little time for us to get it right or find the right words. Very often I use my dictionary to find the words and we work it out that way. Sometimes I also know that I may use the wrong words and this can cause misunderstanding too. So if you think your Thai woman is saying something strange, hurtful or stupid remember it may be her lack of knowledge on what words to use and when. So as I said, this tip sounds simple but can be a challenge at times especially in a heated situation but patience, understanding and a positive approach will always get great results.

Look out for my next tip to help you in understanding Thai women.

Read this post for some facts to consider when thinking about marrying your Thai Girlfriend


signature

Condividi nel tuo profilo Surfpeople

Social Share Button

What you should know about having a Thai wife

So you have had a beautiful Thai girlfriend for a while and she is everything you could ever hope for in a woman because she is sweet, loving, beautiful, she cares for you and looks after you in a way you could only have dreamed of before.

And now you feel you have made the decision to make her your Thai wife and ask her to marry you.

You are fairly confident she will say yes because you are both so happy with each other and feel so much in love, it’s a beautiful thing and you can both only see a wonderful future together when she becomes your Thai wife and you live together.

Well, yes this is all very possible but there are a few things you should be ready for that will help make the wonderful life you hope for a reality and not full of misunderstandings and disappointment.

  1. Thai wife = the “Yes” wife! There is a lot of comments made by Western men about their Thai wives that they never say exactly what they want, that they just say “Yes” or “Ok” all the time. Thai people call this Greng Jai which basically means not wanting to upset and it can be extremely confusing and frustrating for western men because it can seem like they are hiding or do not want to be open. Nothing could be further from the truth, the reality is that it is part of Thai culture.
  2. Expect your kitchen to radically change!!! Food and cooking is deeply ingrained in Thai culture and your Thai wife is unlikely to be an exception. Don’t expect her to change her diet to a western diet just because she lies in the West. She will seek out all the foods she wants to eat and will soon have your kitchen converted from a nice tidy and minimalist Western man’s kitchen to a bustling, vibrant Asian kitchen with bottles of sauce and herbs you have never even heard of!! She will eat rice, fish and noodles for breakfast and almost everything will be spicy hot. This is her way and the best thing you can do is just accept and enjoy the experience of some of the most amazing culinary delights on the planet. ……Oh and you will need to get a rice cooker!!!
  3. Buddhism, Monks and Temples: Many Thai people follow Buddhism and believe in Karma and so your new Thai wife is very likely to do so also. This means she will want to find a Thai temple local to you and visit their once in a while. She will want to talk to the Buddhist monk ( who incidently… may well be English ..) and may well ask you to attend also. thai temple Nollamara WAYou will often find her paying respects to Buddha and saying prayers for all sorts of reasons at all times of the day and night. Again this is part of her way and culture. Buddhism is in fact a very relaxed religion, more of a philosophy really and may even find yourself being interested in it too.
  4. Marry her…Marry her Family too!!! Thai families are very close and like to stay in touch constantly. They also are very loyal to their families and believe in sharing, giving and taking care of each other, especially children taking care of older parents.. This leads many western men to feel as though they have married her family as well as her and can cause many problems if not understood correctly. This is also part of Buddhist belief too and so you will find it unlikely to disappear. Try to accept that this is born out of goodness and giving and a strong sense of family and community and that you are also welcome to be part of that. Try not to stand aside but just share and enjoy your new family and they will show you much respect and gratitude back.

This is just an overview of some of the main things that can cause problems but when accepted and understood correctly can in fact bring you closer together as well as enriching your life with a culture that is mainly about giving.

I hope you find this information useful in your beautiful relationship with your Thai wife.

Hope and Solutions

Thai Girlfriend Advisor

by Angella


signature

Condividi nel tuo profilo Surfpeople

Social Share Button

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén