Jealousy is an important relationship issue for all cultures as well as those with Thai women.
I know many Farang make the comment about Thai women being very jealous. I know there is some truth in this and I have talked about some of the cultural reasons why this is. Here is a coffee conversation I had with Dean which I think you will find interesting and hopefully enlightening and sometimes even a little funny…
Angella: What do you think about jealousy?
Dean: For me I would consider myself not an overly jealous person but I must admit that I can feel the threat of jealous emotions rising in me when I see you talking to other men at a social function of some sort. Of course I trust you and I know you love me and I also know that you are not a woman who falls in love easily. But you are very attractive and I know men will easily develop feelings for you and so I must confess it is in the back of my mind sometimes. I just learn to keep it under control and not develop.
Angella: So what do you do to keep it under control?
Dean: The key for me is that if I saw that you were responding to another man in what might seem like a flirtatious manner, that you were enjoying yourself so much in his company and for a lengthy period then I might start to feel the emotion of jealousy more stronger because that is how you are with me and I only want it to be with me and I would not expect you to act like that and so it would raise some question or doubt in my mind if you did. This works both ways and I expect that I will also behave in the right way too. I think this is out of mutual respect and love for each other and the care to not want to upset or hurt each other.
Thai women who might act very jealous to their Farang partner as this seems to be something a lot of men comment about.
Dean: So let me ask you, what would you say to someone who feels their partner is acting very jealous…for example Thai women who might act very jealous to their Farang partner as this seems to be something a lot of men comment about.
Angella: Well I think there is always positive and negative and so the key is how to turn negative into a positive. If there is no reason for the jealousy, that it is not real then if we clear the concern, if we can remove the worry then the jealousy can turn into attention.
Dean: So how someone like a western man clear the concern and worry?
Even though you may not be cheating on her perhaps your behavior and actions can appear secretive
Angella: Well they need to decide if her jealousy is just crazy paranoia or it have reason. Can you see yourself from her perspective. Even though you may not be cheating maybe your behavior and actions appear secret as if you are hiding something, even if you are not. Do you check yourself in this way.
Dean: That’s a good point actually…I don’t think all men will think like that
Angella: This is how I suggest to start because if you are honest with yourself you might find that you have appeared like you are hiding something. If so you can then clear her concern and remove the worry. It may mean you have to make some changes to your behavior like letting her know where you are more often, keeping in constant contact, even just a quick text message can mean so much.
Dean: Lol…absolutely, yes this is what we do often just to let each other know what we are doing, where we are and who we are with especially when we are apart in different countries. I know we don’t do it because we feel jealous but I do believe it helps keep any of those feelings at bay because we know about each other all the time.
The mind begins to create stories and starts to read everything in a way that adds up to what it wants to believe
Angella: Exactly! Not knowing is fuel to fire of jealousy or paranoia because the mind begins to create stories and starts to read everything in the way that adds up to what it wants to believe. It will begin to change everything to fit the picture and the funny thing is that it actually wants to be negative sometimes. Because we want to be able to say…See, I knew there was something wrong, just to be able to justify the emotion. This is how the ego mind works sometimes and it can get out of control.
Dean: I know how the mind begins to create all sorts of scenarios and stories. But when is jealousy a mind out of control how do we tell the difference? Especially for Western men with Thai women.
Angella: Well if you have done everything you can to clear the concern and there really is no reason behind your action and you have honestly thought about your actions then I think that her jealousy is crazy jealousy. That it become a dramatic story and she is lost herself to her negative ego.
Maybe she has had bad experiences in the past and so finds it difficult to keep her feelings of jealousy under control
Dean: So what do you do if that happens? Run…!!! lol.
Angella: Haha….Well if you truly love the person then you need some patience and understanding. You need to explain that your relationship needs trust to be successful. You may need to try and find out where her jealousy comes from. Maybe she had bad experiences in the past and finds it difficult to keep her feelings of jealousy under control. You need to earn trust over time. Sometimes these can not be solve in one day or just by a conversation.
Dean: Yes and I know with Thai women that they sometimes have good reason to feel jealous because of Thai men.
Angella: yes it is true that this has had effect on many Thai women and I know many western men might think it an excuse but it is true many Thai women have their boyfriend or husband having other women.
Dean: I must admit I didn’t have to much thought about that before but I do see now how that has affected Thai women and I know it can be difficult for them to overcome those feelings, especially if their man is many miles away in another country. I think any woman and also men would have feelings of insecurity in that situation.
Angella: we are all human and so all experienced some jealousy at some time and if you are open to love then it will come up. So I feel it better to understand that and not leave it until it’s too late. If our loved experience emotion of jealousy we need to understand that is natural and not always without reason. Better to not criticize or be angry we need to show caring and patience and look to positives rather than the negatives.
Rather than criticize or be angry we need to show caring
Dean: Indeed that’s very true…So what else can you say about the comments that Thai women can be very jealous?
Thai men are not the most faithful of husbands and boy friends and so although we can’t say this is the only reason it is part of our culture and does affect Thai women
Angella: Well as I said it is true many Thai women can be crazy jealous because Thai men are not most faithful husbands and boy friends and so maybe we can’t say this the only reason it is part of our culture and does affect Thai women. They find it hard to believe that any man will not cheat on them because they are so used to hearing it and also experiencing it.
Dean: Well that makes sense I suppose..if you are subjected to that often then it will certainly leave a negative imprint and even if it is not direct I guess it’s imprinted on the psyche of Thai women.
Angella: I think so…..and something else I was reading about recently was that there are now so many Gay men in Thailand, one website said something like 80% of Thai men last year in 2010 were turning or were gay…..That’s scary! there seem overcame for 80% and i will research more about these.
Dean: What! you’re kidding me? Where did you read that?
Angella: ha ha ha sorry to shock you but i’m not kidding..,It was on a Thai website so unfortunately you can’t read it..lol. But that’s what it said. I can’t guarantee how accurate that is but I do know it’s become a big problem for women in Thailand and it’s a popular topic too….we talked in a funny way but in fact we are all serious about that.. lol
Dean: Wow…and then you have how many men who are monks and the fact there are more women in Thailand than men…something like 3 to 1 I read and it’s easy to see perhaps Thai women are worried about having no men at all…..so they get jealous easy if they think their Farang man might be up to something…or maybe he is turning GAY…lol!
Angella: ha ha …but serious it is a problem even you laugh. I think I should talk about this some more. Many women now prefer to keep single…because they not sure with a groom on the night they married might become a gay in the morning.. lol!
Dean: Yes it seems a few Asian countries have problems like that and you were telling me that China has the opposite problem of too many men.
Angella: That’s right they have had this for years that they really only want boys as children…you know if they know by ultrasound the child is a female they will get rid of it…that’s so sad
Dean: Is that right, I have heard of that actually but not sure if it’s really true or not…maybe Thai women and Chinese men should get together.
Angella: Well I think ok for Chinese men and yes they do look for Thai women…I think that’s a great idea to make the world balanced between men and women..
Dean: I see….so what about this comment that I see many Farang make about Thai women only being jealous because they worry about some other woman getting the money he has?
Angella: Hey, I thought we were going to talk about that in another coffee conversation post?
Dean: Oh yeah I forgot, I was getting carried away..haha. Yes I think we should cover that in our next coffee post…well done darling and thanks for honest perspective about Thai women and jealousy I think this is very helpful for Western men.
Angella: No problem, it’s my pleasure and thanks to you to for sharing your thoughts and to everyone reading hope you enjoyed this conversation and got some benefit from it.