Thai Girlfriend Advisor

Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

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If you keep a crocodile as pet you must understand it’s nature

The title of this post might make you laugh but when it comes to dealing with some Thai girls it is worth considering!

I have seen and heard of many men from the West who get involved with less sincere Thai girls only to complain when they get hurt or tricked out of money. Now I have to write this post as honest as I can and I dont want to upset anyone on purpose but I know that it might.

But you know the truth is the truth and sometimes there is just no point in pretending

What I have seen is that many western men think they can change these girls..or worse still they try to deny what they really are or were. So here is a couple of pointers to consider.

  1. It might sound noble to take a pretty Thai Girl from a bar and promise to care of her so she does not need to do that anymore but you have to remember old habits die hard, especially without any real psychological techniques to change them. What this means is that if you are going to get involved with a Thai girl like this then you must be prepared for the challenge that surely lies ahead.

The movie Shrek springs to mind here!!..lol You know what I mean? She is really a troll but to him she is a Princess but only in his mind. Or have you seen the movie Shallow Hal? Similar concept where in his mind she is beautiful..in fact she is beautiful on the inside and thats what I mean.

  1. If you take a girl like this as the title of the post suggest..she is likely to bite you a few times. Yes it is theoretically possible to change her..as it is to train a croc  but there is always that inner nature that can turn at anytime. I know some will say they were not born like this and that is true but if they have been doing this for some time then it has become part of their subconscious driver and needs serious work to change and that my friends will take more than just money!
  2. Great patience, understanding and accepting are required along with some knowledge of psychology 101..how to break habitual patterns, how to raise low self esteem and juicy stuff like that. What’s more this will be extremely difficult to do from a distance. You need to keep her close to you and so physical distance of being in different countries will be a real danger.
  3. Lastly as I said at the beginning if you are going to go this route with a Thai girl, for whatever reason and that is completely up to you and your choice then you need to understand her more. You need to understand the nature of girls like this and why they do what they do. Some do just for the money and some see it as a game, some out of desperation and need and some because it pays bills at home and they have low self esteem so don’t care about themselves…and many more reasons I suspect.
  4. If you go into this blindly with your ego flying the flag that you can change her then you you most likely will get done! Sorry but thats the way it is and I know men we like to sometimes think we can do anything, invincible!!! Problem is these girls are hypnotic and you will be in a love trance before you know it and thats when your world will slowly collapse..or quickly in some cases….trouble is you won’t feel a thing until afterwards.

Crocodile is not a pet

So, be clear with yourself. Don’t leave your intelligence back in your own country. Be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions and not blame others if things don’t quite go your way. Understand the nature of the beast and if you must keep a crocodile as a pet, then be aware it may bite you from time to time.

Chok Dee

Dean

Watch Dean’s video post on Why Your Thai Girlfriend will spend all your money!


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One reason your Thai girlfriend will spend all your money

This video is a bit of a reality check for Western men who get a Thai girlfriend when they are in Thailand and end up losing money!

 

Of course it is not the only reason Farang end up losing a lot of money to a Thai Girlfriend but it is something western men need to be aware of when they start a relationship with a Thai woman they do not know very well when they are on holiday in Thailand. So often Thai women get the blame for being money hungry and treating farang like walking ATM machines and even though it is true there are Thai women out there who are looking for this there is always 2 sides to everything.
This video will hopefully let western men check themselves first and make sure it is not they who are creating the environment to end up losing a lot of money.

Watch out for more informative videos helping western men avoid getting a bad experience with Thai women in Thailand.

 

 

Do you need advice about your Thai Girlfriend, not sure if she is genuine and sincere, need some message translation…then check out the reasonable Thai Girlfriend Advisor costs and avoid making even more costly mistakes.


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Understanding jealousy

Jealousy and Thai women in some more depth.

Before I do let’s understand and be clear that jealousy is an emotion that affects everyone not just Thai women. As the Thai Girlfriend Advisor though it is my job to talk about it from a Thai perspective and I do admit that Thai women are prone to jealousy for some cultural reasons which I have raised in another post and will refer to in this post.

See my other post: Understanding Thai women – My Thai girlfriend is so jealous

Although jealousy is often given a negative label it is a natural and necessary emotion, otherwise we humans would not come equipped with it. It is only when it becomes obsessive, unreasonable and paranoid that it ceases to serve us in any good way and becomes destructive.

Consider for a moment relationships without any jealousy…do you really think we could love each other that way?

When we love someone we don’t want to share them with anyone because we want to be the sole object of their affections. We want to be the special one that their universe revolves around. So sometimes jealousy comes from a  positive emotion and that is love. But everything has two sides as many universal laws confirm and so there is negative and positive to jealousy.

The positive side to jealousy is that it means someone loves us and that we love someone. If you are the object of reasonable jealousy because perhaps you seem to be paying someone else the attention your lover seeks then this can be seen as a positive jealousy.

If your lover responds with:

“yes darling I do feel a bit jealous at how you were laughing and joking so much with that woman and she is very attractive and I know you love me but I can’t help wanting you to myself. I know you are free to talk to anyone you wish and I do trust you..but I love you but it’s ok I am not angry”

Is there anything wrong with this?

As I said to begin with jealousy is not exclusive to Thai women but does appear often in relationships with Thai women whether with Farang or Thai and this is because our social conditioning plays a role in many of our belief systems which in turn create our emotions and so when we look at Thai women we do see that cultural and social conditions have shaped them just like they do in other cultures.

In addition to the historical cultural behavior of Thai men and their “Mia Noi’s” which I talk about in my other post another influence that shape Thai women’s belief systems about jealousy are that there are proportionately more women to men in Thailand an ever increasing number of which are gay.

There are proportionately more women to men in Thailand an ever increasing number of which are gay. Other men enter religious practices and become monks and some join the army.

I have no doubt some of you might think this seems like a ridiculous reason but for women in Thailand it is actually very real dilemma sometimes. Finding an eligible man is not always easy and so when they find one they have a very real fear that another women, whether a Mia Noi or not will take his interest.

I know that many Western men have the view that this jealousy is caused by issues regarding money and I will discuss that in another post.

For now I hope that the perspectives I present can help in understanding the issues concerning Thai women and jealousy. Remember this information should be used to improve your understanding in a relationship with a Thai woman and not to be used as an excuse against her.

With Love, Hope and Solutions


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Angella takes Dean to Tam Buhn with Master Monk “Luang Phor Jarun”

I thought I would add this post here as it is a very positive article about the experiences I have had with the practice of Tam Buhn in Thailand. I have had a few experiences now and I feel that as a Western man married to a Thai woman I should show respect for her culture and gain an understanding of it to help me in our relationship, so here is one experience I have had.

Luang Phor Jarun is a well respected Thai Monk

Angella had been planning for some time to take me to see the Master monk Luang Phor Jarun. He is quite a well reknown and respected monk who is now into his 80′s……..you can read about him at http://www.jarun.org

So on one Sunday morning we set off to The Abbot, Wat Ambhavan, Promburi District. He only comes out to recieve Tam Buhn twice a day and so we aimed at the morning session which we guessed would be at 11am. However when we arrived we found out that we had missed him that morning but he would be back out again at 2pm. Driving all that way we decided to wait until 2pm and just enjoy exploring around the Abbot as it is a very peaceful place.

the abbot is a place for meditation and I know Angella has often been there sometimes for 3 days or 7 Days to practice Vippissana  meditation

In fact the abbot is a place for meditation and I know Angella has often been there sometimes for 3 days or 7 Days to practice Vippissana  meditation, the practice of mindfulness meditation. I won’t go into detail here but from what I have learned it involves many hours of meditation and silence and although I also practice meditation I have yet to try this.

A Tarot Card Reader told us there was a possibility of some accidents involving our children!!

The first thing we decided to do was to set some creatures free into the River. By this I mean in particlar turtles and eels that we bought from some sellers at the gates of the Abbot. You see the day before we had been for a tarot card reading with a reader that Angella respects very much and she had told us both that there was possibility of some accidents involving our children. Clearly this is not something we cold ignore and so the practice of setting some creatures free and saying some prayers about our children at the same time is a way of helping to keep them safe.

We took time to chat to a Chinese Monk before the Master came out

So down by the rivers edge we set 2 turtles free, which was really quite funny and cute to watch and some eels also. We then spent some more time wondering the Abbot which included having some lunch that the meditation groups who are there for the 3 day meditation practice would eat (which is all free I might add…not the tastiest but there you go)…We wondered the souveneir type stalls and took some time to chat to a Chinese monk in the temple area before The Master came out.

You could see how well known and respected this monk is as many people began to gather in and around the temple area 30 minutes before 2pm. Many of these people would bear gifts to give to the Monk and many like ourselves would have an envelope with money to present to him in the form of Tam Buhn. This money is a gift and is used by the Monk to do good things with such as build Temples, shelters and other things that can help people.

It seems that dogs have figured out that Temples are a good place to sleep and eat for free!

What is important to understand about these temples is that are in fact a refuge also for people in need. If you have no food or money you can go to a temple and get food for free. You can pray and meditate. One funny note is it seems dogs have figured this one out because there are many dogs hanging around but I don’t know if it was just me but they seemed quite passive and peaceful almost as if the whole Spiritual experience and way of being had influenced their behavior in some way. Not sure if they practiced meditation but many seemed happy sleeping all over the place and when the chimes rang for the hour clock they all started howling!!!

As the time approached 2pm it was amazing to see how many people had gathered and now the temple area was quite full and overflowing. We took off our shoes as is the custom and found a spot to sit and wait for the Monk to appear. When he did it was almost like a celebrity had arrived, he had helpers to help him of course because he is very old and there was a sort of soft gasp from everyone when he came out and sat in the grand chair.

You offer your Tam Buhn gift to create good Karma

As he came out everyone shuffled on their knees closer to him and to be able to see him and then people begin to line up to present their Tam Buhn gift to him. What is important here is to offer the gift with both hands and lifted up to him. The idea is he will bless you for this and use it for good thus creating good karma for you in this life and also the next life.

What impresses me is how this promotes giving and sharing

Eventually we made it to our turn and presented our gifts. It was all over very quickly but there is a sort of reverence and energy you feel when you do this and I must be honest I quite enjoyed it. What impresses me is how this promotes giving and sharing without any real expectation which is very much the Buddhist way.

Next time I will share even more experiences that I have had with the various practices of Thai Buddhist Culture which I feel are good to know if you are in a relationship with a Thai woman.

Until then..Stay safe and Peaceful

Dean

The Social Commenter


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Understanding Thai women – My Thai girlfriend is so jealous!

Many western men comment on how jealous their Thai girlfriends and Thai wives can be.

So let me  share with you some insight’s on what seems like jealousy or paranoia on the part of Thai women is embedded deep in Thai culture.

Firstly I don’t want you to think that this is just an attack on Thai men because really they are only just a victim to years of Thai culture as well so we must be careful not to lay blame in only one place  . To Thai men I ask you to consider if the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel..really try to put yourself in the same position as what I am about to tell you.

The simple fact is that Thai culture and  Thai society has allowed the behavior of Thai men to have more than one wife.

Even though today it is frowned upon and the cause of such a high percentage of relationship and marital problems between Thai men and Thai women it still happens but it is not just as straight forward as a man being allowed to have two wives, it is a little more complicated than that.

One of the issues in Thailand is that it is not really neccessary to get a registered marriage, very often the traditional Thai wedding ceremony performed in front of your family and social circle is enough to say you are married. Basically in the eyes of everyone you are married.

Traditional Thai marriage ceremony

For a marriage to be legal in Thailand it must be registered at a District office and a marriage certificate issued. Many Thai men do not like to sign these papers for one reason or another, many feel it is a waste of time and cannot be bothered. Also the parents of both parties are not able to insist upon it and so it goes unregistered.

Thai marriage certificate

This very often is the case in a first marriage when the couple are very young with love stars in their eyes. They will only have a traditional Thai wedding ceremony and not bother with registration at a district office. Over the years the wife will do many things to support her husband and family helping him with business and all sorts of things and then one day the man will take a mistress/girlfriend and this is where the problems begin.

They may well have been married for 10 years or even more but there is no legal document to say so. But when the new Thai girlfriend gets her claws into the man very often he will feel pressured to marry her and get it registered and she then has all the rights in the eyes of the law leaving the primary Thai wife with little rights to anything. I have seen many court cases and heard many stories of this over the years.

Of course this sort of thing only really happens in the larger Cities in Thailand where there is property and assets at stake.

  • This is just one issue, because here is another problem.

In the more affluent Thai society it is all too common for many Thai men to take a girlfriend even though they are married. If they can afford it they will keep this going for years happily supporting both. One of the things in Thailand is the wearing of rings is not so readily practiced like the West and so it is often difficult to tell if someone is married or not.

‘Quite often when you see an older Thai man with a younger Thai woman it is very likely his Thai girlfriend and not his Thai wife’

Tekgor Nakornpathom
Tekgor Nakornpathom

In contrast though, there is a true story of a man ( Tekgor) who lives on the outskirts of Bangkok who has 7 wives and 22 children they all live together quite happily. He was interviewed on Television one time and was asked how he could keep such harmony in his household with 7 wives and 22 children.

So this leads me to the point of why Thai women can often seem paranoid or over jealous

When you put yourself in this situation as I mentioned it is easy to understand why. I do not blame men because it is Thai culture and Thai marriage law that allows this to occur and until something is done about it then it will continue.

Although this might seem like a negative perspective it is a fact of Thai culture and if you are a western man then I feel it will help give you a little more understanding of your Thai girlfriend or Thai wife if sometimes she has difficulty in believing you are monogamous. Monogamy is in fact one of the reasons Thai women have become interested in Western men as it is portrayed that Western men place much more value on being a ‘one woman man”.

I hope this help you understand more about Thai women.

With love hope and solutions

More information on Understanding Thai women


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