Thai Girlfriend Advisor

Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

Tag: intercultural relationships

What do successful Thai/Farang relationships do that the failures don’t

It’s no secret that many relationships between Farang men and Thai women fail. Some fail before marriage and some fail soon after marriage. Are the causes of these failures the same as same culture relationships or is there something between East and West cultures that causes the problem.

And more important is…what do the successful relationships between Farang men and Thai women do different?

My recent post on Thailand Musings I talk about this very subject and ask the question of the readers there with some very interesting responses.

Here is the post:

http://thailandmusings.thaivisa.com/what-do-successful-thai-and-farang-relationships-do-differently-from-the-ones-that-fail/#comments

When I read the comments on that post which are largely from a Farang male perspective I see that communication does play a very big part in either the success or break down of intercultural relationships between a Thai woman and a Western man. As I said in the article I also read on a recent website in Thailand that this was the cause of close to 50% of all marriage failures between Thai and West.

I know that when I talk with many Thai women about the prospect of a relationship with a Farang male one of their biggest worries is exactly that…”Communication”. It is clear that we can say in these intercultural relationships that the language is always going to be an issue. I only have to look at my own relationship to confirm that and I would say that we have a very good level of communication, but we still have misunderstandings due to language.

So it is no surprise then that if a couple not only have a language obstacle but also do not have such a good desire or knowledge to communicate with each other the problems can be much larger and potentially cause eventual break down of the relationship. My guess with this is that both parties will be left confused and angry and without a very clear understanding of what actually happened.

Another thing I found interesting from many comments is that the age gap between the Thai women and many of the Farang who commented was quite high. I have always thought that a larger age gap has more potential for problems and for many reasons. This is only my opinion of course.

So what we can learn from this is that it is very important to focus on communication in any relationship but maybe it is even more important in Intercultural relationships with different languages, like Thai women and Farang men. The question is then what exactly does it take.

What I notice is that many of the comments from those who say they have a successful relationship express a very profound love for each other. They also seem to have have a willingness to learn not just about the other person but about culture, themselves and life.

I will write more on this subject in future posts to try and give some very real and useful advice on what you can use in these relationships to make them successful.

Here is the post at Thailand Musings again:

http://thailandmusings.thaivisa.com/what-do-successful-thai-and-farang-relationships-do-differently-from-the-ones-that-fail/#comments

Sawasdee for now


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What is the Intercultural and Social Commentor

What is the Intercultural and Social Commentor?


I wanted to write this column because I think it is useful to look at real situations between different cultures and obviously in particluar Thai and western cultures.

Now I have to say that I believe in writing about life the way it is and sometimes I will point out some negative things about life, it may even be a little controversial but I assure you it is not my purpose to upset or judge anyone. My real purpose is merely to reflect back to society what I notice in order that we can learn and grow from it and hopefully enable us to understand each other better and create more harmony in the world.

I hope you enjoy the posts and if nothing else I hope they might make you think a little……

Dean

The Intercultural and Social Commentor




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Intercultural and Social commenter

Intercultural and Social commenter

I am really excited to add a new column to this website “ Intercultural and Social Commenter“. I am especially pleased to be able to introduce the author of this column…he is a great author, Music writer and a  social commenter, his perspective is very interesting and sometimes his comments seem strong, direct and to the point without fear. But in fact he is like a mirror to reflect intercultural and social life, share  his perspective and experiences.

His name is Dean Hopkins and he is my partner. The purpose of this column is to share real life experiences with you about intercultural relationships, both sides……good and bad and to share useful viewpoints.

Value in sharing and learning from different culture,

different society, different religion , different belief and different perspective.


“Reserved different and Seeking a harmony”

I know you will enjoy and be entertained with Dean’s writing and the experiences and ideas he will share with you.

With Love, Hope and Solutions

Angella


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Thai Culture and Greng Jai

Greng Jai is a practice that Thai people use in every day life. It can be very confusing for Western people..here is a brief explanation:

“Greng Jai” will leave many Westerners (Farang) a bit confused and not knowing what is right to do or not. This cultural habit is born out of Thai’s preference for politeness and dislike for direct confrontation. This could be partly because of Thai Buddhist culture as we are taught that confrontation is wrong.

When faced with a choice Thai  wives ( NOTE Greng Jai is not exclusive to women, it applies to thai men as well…it really is part of Thai character) will not always say directly what they want or what they mean. Very often it is because they do not wish to upset their partner by denying them their wish or by choosing something they may not be happy with. They may also prefer not to talk about something that can cause conflict and confrontation and so will find a way to avoid it if possible.

This does not mean they are dishonest or will lie and should not be confused with that. Of course there will always be those who will take it to the extreme or use it to their own advantage.

It can be very frustrating because unlike westerners both men and women who are much more direct in these matters, they would rather take the middle road approach and not upset and so for Western men in a relationship with a Thai woman it can seem as though she avoids difficult situations and conversations, her true feelings or thoughts may come out later on in bits and pieces and this can seem like she was holding back..which of course she was but not for the reasons westerners think.

This is where Thai culture and Western culture differ greatly and it is one thing that has proved to be difficult to get along with in relationships between westerners and Thai with many westerners taking the view that Thai people use it as an excuse. What you might find funny is that “Greng Jai” can often be as frustrating for Thai people as for Westerners! So  we do understand the frustration it can cause.

Here is an example for you:

Husband says:
Darling would you like to go out  for dinner tonight, maybe for Italian, chinese or Indian food.
Thai wife says:
Yes ok.
Husband say:
Which one would you prefer
Thai wife:
Hmmm…It’s Up to you
Husband thinks:
Why not just choose one


At the restaraunt…Chinese, which the husband chose !!

Thai wife is eating her meal with the feeling of being unhapy, as though she has been commanded to eat.
Husband says:
Is everything ok darling?
Thai Wife says:
Yes.
Back home later…

Husband says:
Darling you don’t seem happy are sure everything is ok?
Thai wife says:
I wanted to eat something spicy and I’m still hungry.
Husband says:
Why didn’t you say something then?

That’s Greng  Jai..!!!!


Let’s go! and enjoy a  Thai music video about” Greng Jai”…


Thai Girlfriend Advisor

by Angella

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