My perspective on remarriage after divorce between Thai women and Western men
Recently I wrote an article with Dean about remarriage after divorce which I feel is a very important subject for many reasons. Of course it is something I am familiar with in my own relationship but also with other people I know and also clients that I advise. The main point I believe is pertinent between Western men and Thai women who enter marriage after divorce is how people often try to make their new partner fit the void left by their old partner. This is especially true of older Western men who have a tendency to marry younger Thai women and have an expectation that they will fit perfectly into their existing life in a new country. When I say this I don’t wish to be judgmental or point the finger, it is simply that I have seen this many times and would love to provide some perspective on this issue in the hope of helping others and if you have read other posts on this site you will know that even though I am a Thai woman I always try to give honest and open perspectives from both sides. With the case of Thai women it is often because they can appear quite subservient in nature and indeed our culture has a strong desire to please and serve as well as a respect for our elders which is quite appealing to older Western men who perhaps feel that Western women have lost their sense of femininity through the push for equal rights. The danger I see here is one of control and expectation meaning that a Western man may feel because he is bringing a younger Thai woman to live in his country and in many cases giving her a better standard of living he will feel he is in charge and that she must fit into his existing life, perhaps filling the gap left by his previous wife…but without the hassle of course!
This is sometimes sadly at the expense of taking the view of creating a new life together!
Additionally, cultural differences and communication difficulties because of language can make this situation worse because of misunderstandings and the frustration of not being able to communicate effectively the wants and needs of both sides. But I feel that many Western men would in fact be quite willing to listen and adapt if things can be communicated to them effectively and Thai women happy to accommodate their mans needs if they knew exactly what was expected of them fairly because I actually feel they are a good mix.
Often our strengths can be our weakness and our weaknesses our strength if only we can recognize the difference.
As I said I do see a positive side to relationships between Western men and Thai women and that is in fact the mix and balance between the two cultures is very good. Especially I have noticed between Australian men and Thai women because the lifestyle attitude of Australian men seems to fit very neatly with the culture attitude of Thai women. What I mean by this is that the Australian lifestyle is very much one of community, racial harmony, classless society, food and family connection and this fits very well with a Thai woman’s background and culture of family closeness and the desire to serve especially of course with food which is always the primary Thai way of giving and sharing. So what I believe is that for remarriage after divorce between Western men and Thai women taking the view of creating a new life together and clear understanding of both wants and needs are essential.