Thai Girlfriend Advisor

Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

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What is the Intercultural and Social Commentor

What is the Intercultural and Social Commentor?


I wanted to write this column because I think it is useful to look at real situations between different cultures and obviously in particluar Thai and western cultures.

Now I have to say that I believe in writing about life the way it is and sometimes I will point out some negative things about life, it may even be a little controversial but I assure you it is not my purpose to upset or judge anyone. My real purpose is merely to reflect back to society what I notice in order that we can learn and grow from it and hopefully enable us to understand each other better and create more harmony in the world.

I hope you enjoy the posts and if nothing else I hope they might make you think a little……

Dean

The Intercultural and Social Commentor




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Puzzling situation with a Thai woman and a group of western women

I recently witnessed a puzzling situation with a Thai woman who was virtually ignored by a group of western women at a function.

As a social commentator and dealing with Intercultural relationship issues I think is important to comment on this to ask ourselves why this can happen in our culture today.

Don’t get me wrong because I don’t mean to judge or upset anyone and I know there will and can be numerous reasons why this situation can occur, not least of all the different personality styles we all have that can make us behave in different ways so I want to be fair to everyone.

…….but I just feel it is important to reflect back to our culture and society a situation like this so we can learn from it.

So on with the story…..

I had occasion to attend a junior sports function with my son who was part of the team. At these events it is customary for the team coach to do a presentation, give medals to players and helpers as well as give a recap talk on the season. The function was being held at the house of the woman who acted as admin manager to the coach and as is the way in many suburban Australian households the outside pergola area was to be used to hold the function.

The area was superbly fitted out with large sheltered area, gourmet style outside kitchen and BBQ on an upper deck and a large seating area and swimming pool on the lower deck. There would be around 14 couples to cater for and 14 teenage boys aged 14yrs as well as a few siblings.

I build this up a little because I want you to get a good picture in your mind of this event and the surroundings.

The day was to start at 1.30pm where we would all arrive and have few drinks before the presentation (beer for the men and wine for the women and soft drinks for the team). The first thing I noticed when I got to the function was the coach who also had his son with him and plays in the team also. He had his girlfriend with him who is a beautiful Thai woman of around 40, even though she looks barely over 30. I happen to know that they have been together for a while and his ex wife who was working that day so could not attend also knows her well too.

I got myself a beer and then  shook hands with the coach who promptly introduced me to his Thai girlfriend. She was lovely and even though some of her language was a little difficult to understand because of the noise she actually spoke quite good English and was very intelligent and friendly to talk to.

Now although I have lived in Australia for 20 years I have never really got accustomed to the strange pattern at BBQ’s and parties where the men and women tend to segregate themselves into groups and so I had to  laugh when all the women had very quickly planted themselves in all the seats around the large table on the lower deck section of the pergola leaving all the men on the upper section near the outside kitchen and BBQ…along with one “Coach’s Thai girlfriend” who was now strangely cut off from all the women there.

Although I had been talking with her and her coach boyfriend was making sure he gave her regular attention even though he had many people to talk with I couldn’t help feeling  a little sad for her because none of the other women there had spoken to her yet, even if just to make her feel welcome.

Am i different..?

As more time passed this situation didn’t change and still no other women had talked to her and then it was time for the presentation. The coach gave quite a lengthy but entertaining speech and handed out all the medals and trophies. During this time I noticed his Thai girlfriend was very supportive and involved in his talk, clapping and laughing at the humor he was injecting into the speech as well as taking pictures on her iphone.
Now I should say at this point that I understand that there would be a number of reasons why none of the women had as yet come to speak to her or invite her to join the other women at the table. Yes of course some people are a little shy in these situations and not really brave enough to approach new people that way…and I can also understand it would be very hard for the Thai woman to just go up to all these western women and try and join in, apart from which there were no seats left anyway.

But I also have to say that when you begin to look at this situation doesn’t it make you start to think a little? Here is one Asian women among all these Westerners who has not yet been approached by any of the western women at all. She is still showing full support and involvement in the event for her boyfriend but all on her own.

Is it just me or does this just seem a little bit strange..?

What also intrigues me is that I feel that many if not all of these western women would very likely swear blind that they would not do this to someone if asked. I also wonder how they would feel if in the same situation.

So why did this situation occur?

I know that these are all decent women with families, but it has to be noted that they did all did leave one Asian woman isolated without any attempt to include her or make her feel welcome.

So what is wrong with this picture, if the reason is because all those women were shy and couldn’t bring themselves to talk to her, does that make it acceptable?

….or was it because she is Asian ?


Am i a Stranger?

Credit to that Thai woman because  she showed such strong character and did not let the situation affect her behavior and her support for her boyfriend.

I for one believe we have much to learn from this…and don’t get me wrong it is not about bashing Australians or English, because remember I am and Englishman who has lived in Australia for 20 years… but as a writer, artist and social commentator I feel it my duty to be honest, present a real situation as it is to reflect this back to society in order to learn more about ourselves.

In contrast to this I have some experiences in Thailand with my own Thai girlfriend that will add some perspective to this situation and I will share those in a follow up post to this one but for now you may have an opinion on this…whether you agree or disagree…..

let me know what do you think..?


Dean

The Intercultural and Social Commentor



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Warm welcome for a Foreigner in Thailand

My last post was about a situation I witnessed in Australia where a Thai woman was ignored, whether intentionally or not by a group of western women at a junior sports function.

I left off saying that I had a couple of contrasting experiences myself when I was in Thailand with my Thai girlfriend Angella. Personally I must say that I think that we can learn much from Thai culture and Thai people as you will see.

The first contrasting experience is when I went with Angella to a a large seminar that she was acting as MC at. It was a full day at a large hotel in Bangkok with over 200 attendees…”All Thai”. Not only all Thai but 85% were Thai women with only a hand full of Thai men and then me..the only Farang Western guy there. I think I only knew about 3 people there also who were the organisers who I had met only once a few days before with Angella when they were planning the event.

Now I should point out that I can only speak a few words of Thai…Hello, I’m fine and thankyou and that’s about it…whereas Angella can speak English quite well and is very capable of holding a conversation in English.

But back to my experience, the day finished at around 4.30pm and I can hardly count how many Thai people had said hello to me in some way or another..it would be at least 20 or 30 people. All day long I was made to feel welcome whether it was a sawasdee ka (hello) or even just a smile..I never once felt like an alien westerner among Thai people and when we had lunch I even was asked many questions and had conversations with Thai people.

The second is Angella’s young niece of 4 years old. I know she is family but when I went to Angell’ s brothers house his gorgeous daughter served me with drinks, food and made sure I was welcome..she was not prompted to do this by her parents and she showed no fear of this big Farang man in her house…

does it make you think?

…..but what can be learned that is positive is that we can learn much from our Thai counterparts in the way that they welcome us into their country, their homes and their hearts….even at the tender age of 4 years old!!


On this planet which is forever growing smaller by the day we should learn to take the best from all cultures…there are also many good and positive things about our western culture that the asians can and do learn from….it’s time we stop thinking we know it all and open our eyes, our hearts and minds to all that that the people of this world have to offer..

Dean

The Intercultural and Social Commentor



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Follow my column “Angella Talks” at Thailand Musings

Sawasdee Ka friends,

Recently I was asked to write a regular column called “Angella Talks” at a very popular quality website called Thailand Musings run by my lovely friend Steve and Golf ( also a Thai woman and Farang guy relationships).

I am so pleased to be able to do this and share my insights and advice on Intercultural relationships and I have really enjoyed the comments and feedback I receive there and so I thought it would be nice to share this with my readers here at Thai Girlfriend Advisor so you can also benefit.

So each week I will update this post with a link and short description to my newest column:


Column #1 is hereLook after love

This is a post about the high rates of divorce between Farang men and Thai women and the difference between Western countries and Thailand when it comes to divorce.

Back to Thai Girlfriend Advisor homepage


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Thai National Anthem เพลงชาติไทย

Thai National Anthem

เพลงชาติไทย “Phleng Chat Thai”





เนื้อเพลงชาติไทย


ประเทศไทยรวมเลือดเนื้อชาติเชื้อไทย

เป็นประชารัฐ ไผทของไทยทุกส่วน

อยู่ดำรงค งไว้ได้ทั้งมวล

ด้วยไทยล้วนหมาย รักสามัคคี

ไทยนี้รักสงบ แต่ถึงรบไม่ขลาด

เอกราชจะไม่ให้ใครข่มขี่

สละเลือดทุกหยาดเป็นชาติพลี

เถลิงประเทศชาติไทยทวี มีชัย ชโย.



The Meaning of Thai National Anthem

Thailand is the unity of Thai blood and body.
The whole country belongs to the Thai people, maintaining thus far for the Thai.
All Thais intend to unite together.
Thais love peace, but do not fear to fight.
They will never let anyone threaten their independence.
They will sacrifice every drop of their blood to contribute to the nation,
will serve their country whith pride and prestige–full of victory, Chai Yo.

>




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