Feb
19

Understanding jealousy

Jealousy and Thai women in some more depth.

Before I do let’s understand and be clear that jealousy is an emotion that affects everyone not just Thai women. As the Thai Girlfriend Advisor though it is my job to talk about it from a Thai perspective and I do admit that Thai women are prone to jealousy for some cultural reasons which I have raised in another post and will refer to in this post.

See my other post: Understanding Thai women – My Thai girlfriend is so jealous

Although jealousy is often given a negative label it is a natural and necessary emotion, otherwise we humans would not come equipped with it. It is only when it becomes obsessive, unreasonable and paranoid that it ceases to serve us in any good way and becomes destructive.

Consider for a moment relationships without any jealousy…do you really think we could love each other that way?

When we love someone we don’t want to share them with anyone because we want to be the sole object of their affections. We want to be the special one that their universe revolves around. So sometimes jealousy comes from a  positive emotion and that is love. But everything has two sides as many universal laws confirm and so there is negative and positive to jealousy.

The positive side to jealousy is that it means someone loves us and that we love someone. If you are the object of reasonable jealousy because perhaps you seem to be paying someone else the attention your lover seeks then this can be seen as a positive jealousy.

If your lover responds with:

“yes darling I do feel a bit jealous at how you were laughing and joking so much with that woman and she is very attractive and I know you love me but I can’t help wanting you to myself. I know you are free to talk to anyone you wish and I do trust you..but I love you but it’s ok I am not angry”

Is there anything wrong with this?

As I said to begin with jealousy is not exclusive to Thai women but does appear often in relationships with Thai women whether with Farang or Thai and this is because our social conditioning plays a role in many of our belief systems which in turn create our emotions and so when we look at Thai women we do see that cultural and social conditions have shaped them just like they do in other cultures.

In addition to the historical cultural behavior of Thai men and their “Mia Noi’s” which I talk about in my other post another influence that shape Thai women’s belief systems about jealousy are that there are proportionately more women to men in Thailand an ever increasing number of which are gay.

There are proportionately more women to men in Thailand an ever increasing number of which are gay. Other men enter religious practices and become monks and some join the army.

I have no doubt some of you might think this seems like a ridiculous reason but for women in Thailand it is actually very real dilemma sometimes. Finding an eligible man is not always easy and so when they find one they have a very real fear that another women, whether a Mia Noi or not will take his interest.

I know that many Western men have the view that this jealousy is caused by issues regarding money and I will discuss that in another post.

For now I hope that the perspectives I present can help in understanding the issues concerning Thai women and jealousy. Remember this information should be used to improve your understanding in a relationship with a Thai woman and not to be used as an excuse against her.

With Love, Hope and Solutions


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Feb
14

What do successful Thai/Farang relationships do that the failures don’t

It’s no secret that many relationships between Farang men and Thai women fail. Some fail before marriage and some fail soon after marriage. Are the causes of these failures the same as same culture relationships or is there something between East and West cultures that causes the problem.

And more important is…what do the successful relationships between Farang men and Thai women do different?

My recent post on Thailand Musings I talk about this very subject and ask the question of the readers there with some very interesting responses.

Here is the post:

http://thailandmusings.thaivisa.com/what-do-successful-thai-and-farang-relationships-do-differently-from-the-ones-that-fail/#comments

When I read the comments on that post which are largely from a Farang male perspective I see that communication does play a very big part in either the success or break down of intercultural relationships between a Thai woman and a Western man. As I said in the article I also read on a recent website in Thailand that this was the cause of close to 50% of all marriage failures between Thai and West.

I know that when I talk with many Thai women about the prospect of a relationship with a Farang male one of their biggest worries is exactly that…”Communication”. It is clear that we can say in these intercultural relationships that the language is always going to be an issue. I only have to look at my own relationship to confirm that and I would say that we have a very good level of communication, but we still have misunderstandings due to language.

So it is no surprise then that if a couple not only have a language obstacle but also do not have such a good desire or knowledge to communicate with each other the problems can be much larger and potentially cause eventual break down of the relationship. My guess with this is that both parties will be left confused and angry and without a very clear understanding of what actually happened.

Another thing I found interesting from many comments is that the age gap between the Thai women and many of the Farang who commented was quite high. I have always thought that a larger age gap has more potential for problems and for many reasons. This is only my opinion of course.

So what we can learn from this is that it is very important to focus on communication in any relationship but maybe it is even more important in Intercultural relationships with different languages, like Thai women and Farang men. The question is then what exactly does it take.

What I notice is that many of the comments from those who say they have a successful relationship express a very profound love for each other. They also seem to have have a willingness to learn not just about the other person but about culture, themselves and life.

I will write more on this subject in future posts to try and give some very real and useful advice on what you can use in these relationships to make them successful.

Here is the post at Thailand Musings again:

http://thailandmusings.thaivisa.com/what-do-successful-thai-and-farang-relationships-do-differently-from-the-ones-that-fail/#comments

Sawasdee for now


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Jan
29

Trust & Honesty from a Thai perspective – ThailandMusings.ThaiVisa Column


This article on my weekly column at ThailandMusings.ThaiVisa talks about “Trust and Honesty from a Thai perspective” and uses a simple story about Mr Chokdee to illustrate how Thai culture can be very complex.

The article raises many questions and is not meant to answer them all, I just want to show Western people a condition that happens in our society as it is one of the cause of many issues with Thai people but this is our culture and what we are used to it., maybe it seem strange for western and we may not support or agree with it but we do have to live with it.

There are many interesting reactions to this post in the comments section and I think this helps us see the different perspectives from different cultures.

Enjoy the post here:

Trust & Honesty from a Thai perspective

Sawasdee and Kop kuhn ka


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Jan
28

Bao Bao-just love a little

เบา เบา
ใจหนึ่งใจ จะต้องการอะไร
ให้มันมากมาย ให้มันวุ่นวาย
เพียงเธอนั้น ใส่ใจกันเบาเบา
พอให้สองเรา ได้ทำอะไรมากมายในตอนนี้

Just A Little
A single heart, why crave
So much, so complicated?
If only you pay slight attention
Enough for us to do a lot together

บางเวลาไม่เป็นไร ถ้าเธออยู่ไกล
บางเวลาฉันเข้าใจ เธอลืมกันไป
บางเวลาไม่เป็นใจ ก็ไม่ต้องเสียดาย
ปล่อยมันไปก่อนนะ
Sometimes it’s alright if you live far away
Sometimes I understand if you forget
Sometimes inconvenient, no need to worry
Just let it g
o

คิดถึงฉันสักครั้ง เมื่อไม่ได้คิดถึงใคร
ทำตัวตามสบาย แล้วเจอกันในความฝัน
มีเวลาดีๆ ก็บอกให้ฉันได้ฟัง
ไม่มากเกินไปกว่านั้น ค่อยๆ รักกันเบาเบา


Think of me once if you’re free
Let loose and meet in dreams
Having a good time, then tell me
More ask not, just love a little

เธอกับฉัน ยังต้องเดินทางไกล
คงไม่สายไป ให้เวลากับใจได้เรียนรู้
You and I have far to walk
Not too late letting our hearts learn

บางเวลาไม่เป็นไร ถ้าเธออยู่ไกล
บางเวลาฉันเข้าใจ เธอลืมกันไป
บางเวลาไม่เป็นใจ ก็ไม่ต้องเสียดาย
ปล่อยมันไปก่อนนะ

Sometimes it’s alright if you live far away

Sometimes I understand if you forget

Sometimes inconvenient, no need to worry
Just let it go

คิดถึงฉันสักครั้ง เมื่อไม่ได้คิดถึงใคร
ทำตัวตามสบาย แล้วเจอกันในความฝัน
มีเวลาดีๆ ก็บอกให้ฉันได้ฟัง
ไม่มากเกินไปกว่านั้น ค่อยๆ รักกันเบาเบา


Think of me once if you’re free
Let loose and meet in dreams
Having a good time, then tell me
More ask not, just love a little

บางเวลาไม่เป็นไร ถ้าเธออยู่ไกล
บางเวลาฉันเข้าใจ เธอลืมกันไป
บางเวลาไม่เป็นใจ ก็ไม่ต้องเสียดาย
ปล่อยมันไปก่อนนะ


Sometimes it’s alright if you live far away
Sometimes I understand if you forget
Sometimes inconvenient, no need to worry
Just let it go

คิดถึงฉันสักครั้ง เมื่อไม่ได้คิดถึงใคร
ทำตัวตามสบาย แล้วเจอกันในความฝัน
มีเวลาดีๆ ก็บอกให้ฉันได้ฟัง
ไม่มากเกินไปกว่านั้น ค่อยๆ รักกันเบาเบา


Think of me once if you’re free
Let loose and meet in dreams
Having a good time, then tell me
More ask not, just love a little

คิดถึงฉันสักครั้ง เมื่อไม่ได้คิดถึงใคร
ทำตัวตามสบาย แล้วเจอกันในความฝัน
มีเวลาดีๆ ก็บอกให้ฉันได้ฟัง
ขอเธอแค่เพียงเท่านั้น ค่อยๆ รักกันเบาเบา


Think of me once if you’re free
Let loose and meet in dreams
Having a good time, then tell me
This much I ask, just love a little

ค่อยๆ รักกันเบาเบา
Just love a little


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