May
05

Greng Jai and Thai women

I have written about the subject of Greng Jai and Thai women before on this site but I am going to write another post about this because I get a few questions about it.

Here is the link to the previous post on Greng Jai Thai Culture and Greng Jai

Now I don’t think I can give you a one off explanation that will make it all clear for you but I will talk about what I have noticed so far and hopefully it will at least give you western men some better idea of this Thai culture behavior.

The funny thing is this is not a problem between Thai people, for example  with Thai couple Thai men do not have this problem with their Thai women and so it really seems to be mainly a problem between Farang men and their Thai girlfriends or Thai wives. What seems to confuse Farang is that Greng Jai appears like lying…even my Father in law when I first tried to explain said as a joke ‘oh its like lying then’. So it’s easy for me now to understand this must be confusing for Farang.

 

Greng Jai is not to be confused with lying

We greng jai to make things easy, not make it difficult.For example:Rather than ask for something that we feel may be against your wishes we will say nothing or maybe find another way around it. You see what is important to understand is that we don’t greng jai for no reason…not like we wake up in the morning and decide to greng jai today. There is a reason and the reason is we don’t want to upset. We prefer peaceful ways and non conflict.

Ok here is one example of Greng jai for you:

An Australian man asks his Thai wife…would you like to live with me  in Australia or  in Thailand…. now she may think because maybe he gives this impression that really he wants to live in Australia …so rather than upset him..or not grant his wish  she may greng jai and say. I don’t mind.its up to you…in fact she may want to live in Thailand as Thais like to living near their family…but she wont want to cause a problem and so she greng jai and not tell him exactly what she would like.

So how to tell difference between lying and greng jai…very difficult but greng jai has a reason not to upset. Where lying is trying to conceal something you don’t want the person to know and usually for a negative purpose. For Thai we are born with it.so we can justfeel or sense the truth from greng jai…but for western they are not born with it which make’s it difficult to recognize…for us we have a natural instinct to tell the difference

In some ways you can call it politeness or good manners or not wishing to take advantage..or be greedy or put people out on your behalf. Like not wanting to order something too expensive to eat on a first date…This will typically be with Thai couple date as Thai men can tell this is just greng jai and this is not confusing for them.

I know there are many western men who sadly will say this is all just BS and that really I am trying to cover up for Thai women lying but I can tell you this is not so. Sadly of course in all walks of life there are extremes and manipulators. There is black and white and every shade of grey in between…innocent Thai Greng jai is as I describe it but yes the other extreme it can be used by less scrupulous people to lie and manipulate you…and I understand completely those Farang who have been caught by this.

Ok so another analogy I can think of is with English accents.

I know that people from England will know this very well that there are many changes in accents between county’s…and so to different accents in America if you are from Chicago or Idaho and different accents if you are from Manchester or London. But for a Thai person like me I cannot tell the difference. Perhaps one may sound clearer than another and I can notice a slight difference but I have no idea what is the difference or where that person is from. But for those who are from that country you just know because you have grown up with it. It is the same with Greng jai for Thai people…we just know the difference between blatant lying and greng jai.

So what can you do if your Thai girlfriend greng jai you?

Well the best advice I can give for now is just talk to her. Ask her not to greng jai you. You could also try a tactic like using the reason to greng jai as a reason not to greng jai, here is what I mean:

For example…if you ask a question to choose between 2 holidays one in Norway and one in Italy……try explaining that you don’t want her to greng jai because if she does and chooses the wrong one it will cause a problem, maybe Norway will be cold and she don’t like it but she feel you want to go there and so she greng jai and choose Norway but once you book the tickets and get there you cannot go back, and she will be unhappy and so will you….so now you will make her greng jai to not cause a problem and so she will now choose the one she really wants….I hope that makes sense!

However listen to this warning about Greng Jai and Thai women

This technique will not work with bad insincere people because they want to get what they want. This will work with sincere people because good people will generally greng jai for the right reasons and with a good purpose of being polite and not wanting to offend, upset or cause problem. Just for an easy and peaceful way.

I guess like any relationship issues you also need to be able to read human nature well to tell if they are sincere or not, whether it be Thai or Farang!!..Lol

Read my funny coffee conversation with Dean about Greng Jai here Angella and Dean talk about Greng Jai

 

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May
05

Angella and Dean talk about Greng Jai

The subject of Greng Jai is very interesting when it comes to Thai and Farang relationships. I never used to think about it too much before but now I do see how it can cause a problem. I have written about it on this site but this conversation with Dean you might find interesting because he gives a westerner perspective on greng jai.

Angella: So how do you really see greng jai?

 

 

Dean: Well I don’t have too much problem with it because I try to see it for what it is and not what our western culture thinks it should be or whether it is right or wrong and anyway in our own way we greng jai too.

 

Angella: Really?

 

Dean: Western people also Greng jai in fact we actually lie sometimes…greng lie..lol…but serious we do, take this for instance…if we get invited to a party and we don’t want to go we will very often make an excuse not to go..like someone is sick, or we cant get babysitters or we have to work late. In fact we don’t want to go but in the interest of being polite we will make an excuse…but actually this is lying or is it greng jai?

Angella: What about when people get together for dinner and you have take-away because as a Thai I would wait to find out what people want first and then go with that, even if I want something different

 

Dean: Well for us and maybe this is an English/Aussie thing but we will be open about what we all want and then go with a majority decision. We might even make a joke of it all and pretend to be upset but we will do what everyone else wants…but this is joking but we will be open about it all.

I mean really greng jai is in the positive way like you said..a healthy respect for the feelings of other people and not wishing to upset them unnecessarily if you no need to. If you really look at this in the extreme then really in the west we always lie. We are not honest because we don’t go around saying exactly what we think about everything..that would be chaos..lol

Angella: Yes if we did that can you imagine…it would be war all the time

 

Dean: Hahaha…yes like hey what do you think of my new dress does it make me look fat…haha..and you answer, yes actually I don’t like it at all and it makes you look fat and ugly. I mean c’mon we just don’t do that..we would have no friends…lol and we call ourselves honest.

Angella: I have another example story of greng jai. Once when I was working Amway I went to a mans house family. They had very little money and lived in a very small room. I was sat down on the floor and his wife was cooking in a pot right there next to me…his children would sleep right there too. They all lived in this small place and I arrived in my big car and stuff to talk about Network Marketing. They offered me food..and it was just a little bowl. The spoon was sharp and would have to be careful not to cut your mouth. But I felt I could not say no. I greng jai because I felt that it would be rude and they would feel that I pity them too much or maybe feel their food is not good enough for me. So I did have some.

Dean: Wow. Exactly. Actually I can understand that and really it’s a sign of respecting that what they offer you is value to them to offer it to you. They feel honor to give and share this with you so to say no would not be a good thing in that case. That makes a lot of sense

Angella: So Thaïs we greng jai a lot, everyday and all the time but we not do it to lie or be untruthful like many Farang say we do.; I know it seems like an excuse but it is not. Yes of course you will always get some who take it too far and use it in the wrong way but that is because they are not genuine. Sincere and good people only greng jai for the right reason out of respect for others feelings and not to make conflict, we like peaceful and easy and not be difficult.

Dean: Yes I’m sure some Farang will take that and say it is all BS..in fact I have heard some say that and they will say its just a handy excuse for Thaïs to lie. Personally I can understand but I think it is a little shortsighted to think this way and also unfair. Just because they have got mixed up with some unscrupulous Thaïs they paint everyone with the same brush, but you will always get that. The truth is that Farang are not the most honest culture by any means. As I said there is plenty of BS in Western culture.

Angella: So in the West they will greng jai to be polite right?

 

Dean: Sure…and same reason, they will say they are good and honest people yet they will make excuses. And that’s what we call it…making excuses. But really it is lying…what’s the difference. Ok I know really but I just want to make the point so we can see things in perspective and for other westerners not to get too high and mighty about Thaïs and greng jai and how they believe Thaïs lie too much because we are no better , we just give it a different name..lol I’m sure I will get a few comments about this …haha.

Angella: And sure I do say that Western men should be careful of this because some Thai women will use greng jai as an excuse if they are not a sincere Thai. I know this is where we get a bad name from and same some Thai men can also use greng jai in this way but this because they are not sincere Thai.

Dean: Yeah well we just call them con men! or women…or BS artists!! And believe me there are plenty around too, especially in business!

 

Angella: So you think you know greng jai now?

 

Dean: Well not exactly but I know it is part of your culture and so I must accept that and not fight against it, I know that with sincere people it is meant in a good way and not a bad way to conceal or deceive so really it is my own responsibility to be a good judge of character in the first place and sniff out insincere people, just like it is in the West.

 

 


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Apr
25

If you keep a crocodile as pet you must understand it’s nature

The title of this post might make you laugh but when it comes to dealing with some Thai girls it is worth considering!

I have seen and heard of many men from the West who get involved with less sincere Thai girls only to complain when they get hurt or tricked out of money. Now I have to write this post as honest as I can and I dont want to upset anyone on purpose but I know that it might.

But you know the truth is the truth and sometimes there is just no point in pretending

What I have seen is that many western men think they can change these girls..or worse still they try to deny what they really are or were. So here is a couple of pointers to consider.

  1. It might sound noble to take a pretty Thai Girl from a bar and promise to care of her so she does not need to do that anymore but you have to remember old habits die hard, especially without any real psychological techniques to change them. What this means is that if you are going to get involved with a Thai girl like this then you must be prepared for the challenge that surely lies ahead.

The movie Shrek springs to mind here!!..lol You know what I mean? She is really a troll but to him she is a Princess but only in his mind. Or have you seen the movie Shallow Hal? Similar concept where in his mind she is beautiful..in fact she is beautiful on the inside and thats what I mean.

  1. If you take a girl like this as the title of the post suggest..she is likely to bite you a few times. Yes it is theoretically possible to change her..as it is to train a croc  but there is always that inner nature that can turn at anytime. I know some will say they were not born like this and that is true but if they have been doing this for some time then it has become part of their subconscious driver and needs serious work to change and that my friends will take more than just money!
  2. Great patience, understanding and accepting are required along with some knowledge of psychology 101..how to break habitual patterns, how to raise low self esteem and juicy stuff like that. What’s more this will be extremely difficult to do from a distance. You need to keep her close to you and so physical distance of being in different countries will be a real danger.
  3. Lastly as I said at the beginning if you are going to go this route with a Thai girl, for whatever reason and that is completely up to you and your choice then you need to understand her more. You need to understand the nature of girls like this and why they do what they do. Some do just for the money and some see it as a game, some out of desperation and need and some because it pays bills at home and they have low self esteem so don’t care about themselves…and many more reasons I suspect.
  4. If you go into this blindly with your ego flying the flag that you can change her then you you most likely will get done! Sorry but thats the way it is and I know men we like to sometimes think we can do anything, invincible!!! Problem is these girls are hypnotic and you will be in a love trance before you know it and thats when your world will slowly collapse..or quickly in some cases….trouble is you won’t feel a thing until afterwards.

Crocodile is not a pet

So, be clear with yourself. Don’t leave your intelligence back in your own country. Be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions and not blame others if things don’t quite go your way. Understand the nature of the beast and if you must keep a crocodile as a pet, then be aware it may bite you from time to time.

Chok Dee

Dean

Watch Dean’s video post on Why Your Thai Girlfriend will spend all your money!


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Apr
07

Songkran Thailand New Year 2011

Thailand is once again getting ready for it’s annual celebration of Songkran Thai New Year 2554

Songkarn Festival Thailand

For many centuries Songkran has traditionally been celebrated as the Thailand New Year, apparently it is believed to have been adapted from an Indian festival. The celebrations will be all over Thailand but the most famous Songkarn celebrations are still in the northern city of Chiang Mai, where it continues for six days and even longer.

The Songkran festival has also become like a party for foreigners and an additional reason for many to visit Thailand at this time of year because they enjoy the fun and games with water in the streets. Sales of water guns sky rocket at this time too as people like to shoot water at each other.

All during the day you can see groups of people young and old having fun at the side of the road shooting water at passers by and the cars driving past. You just have to accept you might get wet so best keep your windows up!! But it is all good fun and it is great to see so many people relaxed and laughing at each other.

Last year I took Dean to Khaw San road in Bangkok to experience the famous water games. If you are in Bangkok at this time and you are game for it then you should go and have a look for yourself but make sure you don’t wear nice clothes because I guarantee you will get messy. Lucky though the weather is usually hot around this time and so it is actually really nice way to cool down…lol.

Here is a fun video we shot in Khaw San road last year for Songkran

 

 

As you can see from our video the roads around Khaw San road are closed off during this time and there are many parties going on in the streets. People dance on tables and even cars and trucks and there are many DJ’s blasting out music all night long. All good Fun!!!

 

Hope you can join us this year for Songkran 2011

 

Find out more information about Thai Songkran Festival 2011 in Thailand

http://www.tourismthailand.org/see-do/events-festivals/search-result/

Tourism Authority of Thailand  Call Center 1672

 


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Apr
05

Thai Songkran Dance Music – รำวงวันสงกรานต์ วงสุนทราภรณ์

Thai Songkran Dance Music – รำวงวันสงกรานต์  วง สุนทราภรณ์


 

 

 

The History of  Thai New Year or  Songkran Festival

In ancient times has. Songkran Festival is held on the new year. Because the country is considered the torrid start time .as summer is the best time. With free from. Farming.

Also, cold weather is past. With the winter is over so that all other stops, whether the tree is stopped bloom. All animals. It stationary bed hermitage. With the cold weather is not easy in life. Or growth of living things all day, sure enough, it is the Songkran Festival. The New Year in hot countries. Unlike the countries discussed in the winter on New Year’s Day message to all the Songkran Festival is 3 days together are.

On 13 April Mhasgkrants. Day or New Year’s Eve means a big step up grilled or Songkran is the year that orbit the sun into Aries. A major cleaning day. Cleansing the body. And hearts to clean. Start playing a splash on the first day.

14 days on medium or Wannena means is located on the next day from day 1 Mhasgkrants the sun into the Ram already. A day that typically has many local activities such as play. Kntraiekgawand. J. King make good soup. Songkran Festival parade. The cultural and entertain other play … splash traditional Thai often play this very special day.

And on April 15 is New Year’s day means the day the new era. Is put on merits welcome the new year. Emissions released birds, fish. The charity dedicated to fathers who passed away. The water Dmhaw adult.
The man who for. People respect. To ask for forgiveness and cry b hat to the new year is similar to the glory of New Life and provide a clean priest Buddha is also honorable national importance. .. Today also played the same splash. But in the legend of the Songkran Festival, as well as related traditions. Songkran is always with her. Evidence has shown in the main stone inscription of Wat Ram Praechtupn stainless perhaps Clarke.

Songkran Festival activities.

1. Beneficence to put the fate of life.
2. Let the birds leave the fish. Thai people believe that emissions are released birds, fish. Considered and forgiveness.
Payment is sin in their creator. Also, make misfortune to occur out.
3. Largesse to the poor, such as disabled children, orphans, elderly, etc..
4. Bathe Buddha. Clean and novice monks.
5. The water prayer adults and adults, including parents, relatives, people with kindness. Adults in the water.
Songkran Festival with need. To ask pardon what may be harassment in some adults, including a prayer for.
A fortune and to remind their own ideas. Also, to show gratitude to those obliged to have.
King, you are also watering tradition has ancient. Demonstrating gratitude.
Appreciative of the child to the parent or other adult relatives and a prayer by parents relatives.
Adults to a fortune in the New Year.
6. Play splash. This tradition is considered a symbol of the Songkran Festival ever. By Day Celebration.
Songkran is a summer tradition started by the pour water. And water relative to adults.
Play douse them popular among the young. Splash water used to put together the fragrance, but Ngmab today.
This is a good tradition to fade over time and era. There are currently spraying with water.
Violence and have different equipment to use in play with more splatter.

 

Note : The History Information from Nakhonkorat.com


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