Some perspective on Western men who want to have a serious relationship with a Thai Bar Girl.
Maybe I should title this post “When dating a Thai bar girl…if you can’t stand the heat better get out of the kitchen” because I have seen first hand and read many true stories about Farang who meet a Thai bar girl, begin a relationship with her and then find their life turned upside down by the consistent insecurity of a relationship of this sort.
I don’t want you to get me wrong here, I’m not here to judge. If you want have a serious relationship with a Thai bar girl then that is your choice and we all have free choice and in fact I know of one case where it is successful, at least for now, so I’m not even saying you should not do it.
I think if we look at this in perspective there are a lot of stories out there but much of it is very negative and from a purely Western point of view and always from guys who have been stung. Sadly there are some pretty harsh and bitter comments thrown around about Thai girls and whilst I am not saying that some of those girls are not deserving of them there is always more than one side to a story.
There is perhaps a need for Western men to take some responsibility for their actions
I’m also not saying that the guys who get burned in these relationship have no right to feel hurt, of course they do, just as you can have the right to feel hurt if you are cheated by a Western girl. The point is however that when you enter into a relationship with Thai bar girl you automatically accept a particular set of circumstances which you may well not be able to control and change and if the case turns out you cannot change them and you get hurt in the process then their is a certain amount of personal responsibility you need to take with that.
How many cases are there where a Farang guy was forced into a relationship with a Thai Bar Girl?
This is an important point because mostly Western guys go happily into the fire with a Thai Bar Girl and end up getting burnt which begs the question who’s fault is it really?. I have witnessed cases where Farang make promises of financial support, building houses, presents and all manners of things to Bar Girls in the hope they will give up their work and be exclusive to them.
To look at this with true perspective we have to ask “What did they really expect?”
On the other hand we also have to ask “Is love blind“? Have you ever been so in love, or so desperately obsessed, infatuated with a woman before? If the answer is yes or even a little yes (now think back to those school boy crushes ) then follow that train of thought and feeling and you will be closer to why some men become so seemingly weak and helpless in these situations
Sure the reality check is it’s easy for men to be flattered and tempted by pretty and petite women 15 or 2o years the younger paying you all manners of compliments while extracting your money with a lovely smile. It’s sweet poison really. But what makes a man continue to chase security from a woman who’s lifestyle is nothing short of the complete opposite? Is it hope or ego thinking he can change her.
Thai Bar Girls…… it’s sweet poison really
Actually to confess I do know of at least one case like this that has so far met with success but the circumstances are favorable in as much as he is able to travel a lot to see her and keep an eye on her. This maybe makes a difference but for many others there is not that luxury. They have to make do with a visit to Thailand now and then and the rest of the time spent wondering what is going on.
If it is just about sex why try to make a serious relationship out of it?
Perhaps these men can be labelled as love sick fools but surprisingly I happen to know many of these men are intelligent with good income and even high level jobs. Perhaps it is just about sex with a much younger pretty woman but surely if it was just about sex then why not just get a new girl each time you go to Thailand? Let’s face it we know that is not too difficult if you visit the right places.
What makes this even more perplexing is that as intelligent as these men might appear to be and armed with the knowledge that their girlfriend really is working or has worked in bars they still continue to worry, to complain and to pine over feelings of insecurity. Is she cheating me, does she really love me, will she stop working in bars, will she stay with me after I build her that house and the list goes on.
We often only see and believe what we want to see and believe
At the end of the day there seems to be very little logic to it which leaves us with the statement that if you really must follow this path then you at some point have to engage your intelligence and accept the rollercoaster of emotions that will accompany a relationship of this nature.
As for the girls well sure some may well be heartless but many really know no different, they come from a completely different background and culture than us Farang and so we must be careful not to try and judge by our standards alone. I am sure when and if the shoe is on the other foot we would have much to say about it and as we have already pointed out…it isn’t exactly entirely their fault is it?
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1 comment
Dominic says:
November 27, 2011 at 3:28 pm (UTC 0 )
Thanks for the post. This is an interesting topic because many expats in Thailand are only familiar with the “bar girls” and not ordinary Thai women due to the language barrier. While it may be true that dating or even marrying a bar girl (or bar boy for that matter) could lead to a very insecure relationship, according to some, it does have its advantages. Bar girls tend to be less emotionally attached to their partners, so breaking up is often easier. Ordinary Thais are often much more obsessive once they become attached to their partner, and breaking up with or divorcing a Thai national like this can be very difficult. But I have heard of a case where a bar girl simply asked for a large sum of money after a farang man wanted to end their relationship. Once this was paid, she apparently left without problem.