Thai Girlfriend Advisor

Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

Category: Thai Bar Girls

Dating a Thai Bar Girl ? – But can you stand the heat!

Some perspective on Western men who want to have a serious relationship with a Thai Bar Girl.

Thai bar girl

Maybe I should title this post “When dating a Thai bar girl…if you can’t stand the heat better get out of the kitchen” because I have seen first hand and read many true stories about Farang who meet a Thai bar girl, begin a relationship with her and then find their life turned upside down by the consistent insecurity of a relationship of this sort.

I don’t want you to get me wrong here, I’m not here to judge. If you want have a serious relationship with a Thai bar girl then that is your choice and we all have free choice and in fact I know of one case where it is successful, at least for now, so I’m not even saying you should not do it.

I think if we look at this in perspective there are a lot of stories out there but much of it is very negative and from a purely Western point of view and always from guys who have been stung. Sadly there are some pretty harsh and bitter comments thrown around about Thai girls and whilst I am not saying that some of those girls are not deserving of them there is always more than one side to a story.

There is perhaps a need for Western men to take some responsibility for their actions

I’m also not saying that the guys who get burned in these relationship have no right to feel hurt, of course they do, just as you can have the right to feel hurt if you are cheated by a Western girl. The point is however that when you enter into a relationship with Thai bar girl you automatically accept a particular set of circumstances which you may well not be able to control and change and if the case turns out you cannot change them and you get hurt in the process then their is a certain amount of personal responsibility you need to take with that.

How many cases are there where a Farang guy was forced into a relationship with a Thai Bar Girl?

This is an important point because mostly Western guys go happily into the fire with a Thai Bar Girl and end up getting burnt which begs the question who’s fault is it really?. I have witnessed cases where Farang make promises of financial support, building houses, presents and all manners of things to Bar Girls in the hope they will give up their work and be exclusive to them.

To look at this with true perspective we have to ask “What did they really expect?”

On the other hand we also have to ask “Is love blind“? Have you ever been so in love, or so desperately obsessed, infatuated with a woman before? If the answer is yes or even a little yes (now think back to those school boy crushes ) then follow that train of thought and feeling and you will be closer to why some men become so seemingly weak and helpless in these situations

Sure the reality check is it’s easy for men to be flattered and  tempted by pretty and petite women 15 or 2o years the younger paying you all manners of compliments while extracting your money with a lovely smile. It’s sweet poison really. But what makes a man continue to chase security from a woman who’s lifestyle is nothing short of the complete opposite? Is it hope or ego thinking he can change her.

Thai Bar Girls…… it’s sweet poison really

Actually to confess I do know of at least one case like this that has so far met with success but the circumstances are favorable in as much as he is able to travel a lot to see her and keep an eye on her. This maybe makes a difference but for many others there is not that luxury. They have to make do with a visit to Thailand now and then and the rest of the time spent wondering what is going on.

If it is just about sex why try to make a serious relationship out of it?

Perhaps these men can be labelled as love sick fools but surprisingly I happen to know many of these men are intelligent with good income and even high level jobs. Perhaps it is just about sex with a much younger pretty woman but surely if it was just about sex then why not just get a new girl each time you go to Thailand? Let’s face it we know that is not too difficult if you visit the right places.

What makes this even more perplexing is that as intelligent as these men might appear to be and armed with the knowledge that their girlfriend really is working or has worked in bars they still continue to worry, to complain and to pine over feelings of insecurity. Is she cheating me, does she really love me, will she stop working in bars, will she stay with me after I build her that house and the list goes on.

We often only see and believe what we want to see and believe

At the end of the day there seems to be very little logic to it which leaves us with the statement that if you really must follow this path then you at some point have to engage your intelligence and accept the rollercoaster of emotions that will accompany a relationship of this nature.

As for the girls well sure some may well be heartless but many really know no different, they come from a completely different background and culture than us Farang and so we must be careful not to try and judge by our standards alone. I am sure when and if the shoe is on the other foot we would have much to say about it and as we have already pointed out…it isn’t exactly entirely their fault is it?

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Thai Bar Girls and Western men

Western men who get involved with Thai Bar Girls.

Thai Bar girls

Discussing the whole issue of Western men being ensnared by Thai Bar girls is a sensitive subject. Let me be clear that I am not here to judge who is right or wrong , I neither support nor condemn. I am just here to share my perspective from my experience of consulting and hearing many sad stories.

To be honest here at TGA we post on various websites about this and it causes no end of controversy but I feel it is important to talk about this openly and so in this post I want to provide a sensitive but honest perspective of what we see from various clients and also with the insight of  a Thai woman who has the opportunity to see it from both sides.

You know the truth is that Thailand has many beautiful things, we have amazing Temples, beautiful palaces, wonderful food, unique culture , friendly people and as many people say we are the land of smiles. But just like any country there will always be a dark side…a negative to the positives and this issue is one of ours but in truth although it gets a lot of attention it really is only a very small part of our society.

beautiful place bangkok thailand

Let me clarify that I am talking specifically about “ Thai Bar girls ” or the type of  Thai girls that tend to make some kind of  living from the gratuity of  Western men visiting  Thailand. I am well aware that there is a further set of Thai girls who are more subtle in this behavior and some who might be classed as normal Thai Girls but are really nothing more than Gold Diggers.

I recently told a client that one of the biggest problems I see for Western men when they get involved with Thai bar girls is that they choose only to believe what they want to believe and see what they want to see.

Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying that it is their fault and that some of those Thai bar girls have no blame but from what I see the girls are doing a job and the men deep down know that but for many reasons choose not to accept it or admit the real truth. I am not saying it could never be possible for a girl to give up the bar work and change her ways for the love of a good honest man but I do think you have to be crystal clear about what would be involved here and that the chances of that happening are low and the risk of men getting hurt either emotionally or financially or in most cases both are high.

farang and thai bar girls

A while ago we posted an article written by Dean called “If you keep a crocodile as a pet you must understand it’s nature” which I have always believed is an excellent perspective on this subject and one that I recommend any Farang involved with a Thai Bar girl type to read because it gives you the right way to think about this type of relationship.

In fact it’s very good marketing…..tell the client what they want to hear…

or sell them what they want to buy!

My point here is that I see many Western men who are well aware of what their new found love is involved with, even to the point where they have had them spied on and caught in the act of cheating on them with another man. But to be honest can we really call this cheating when in fact she is just doing her job and her job is to serve you whatever you want, to make you happy, to make you feel good, to make you feel special , something you can not  get from home and that is the point when you are happy to spend your money, enjoy to spend your time with her  and want to come back to see her again….

NOW YOU ARE  HOOKED!…..  and the problem is that her job will make her tell you exactly what you want to hear and if what you want to hear is  …” You are handsome, you look younger than your age, you look kind and warm to be with,there is no one like you, you are her special love, her real boyfriend “.. blah..blah..blah…… Then that is what she will tell you. In fact it’s very good marketing…..tell the client what they want to hear… sell them what they want to buy!….and that is how she get’s what she wants.

So here is some Advice for Western men who get involved with a Thai Bar Girl.

Just like the crocodile post says. If you really must get involved with a girl like this, if you feel you just cannot do without her then make sure your eyes are open and you are aware of what you are dealing with. Whether you feel you can change the life of a Thai Bar Girl or not is not the issue because for someone to change like that requires a lot of personal work as well as very strong support from a loving partner who can forgive and forget the past because mistrust due to her past will be a major issue.

The issue for Western men is can you accept the results of your choices and actions. If at the end of the day she does cheat on you, she does leave you for a better deal, if she does break your heart and your bank account will you accept that it was as much your choice as it was her job? Will you then become negative to all Thai women and paint them with the same brush?…I hope not!

In another post on this subject I will share some insights from the Thai Bar Girl side…so keep a look out for that

Sawasdee Ka and Chok Dee





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