Thai Girlfriend Advisor

Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

Author: Dean (Page 1 of 2)

Revolution in Thailand?

Is it really conceivable that we could be on the brink of Revolution in Thailand….The land of Smiles?

Revolution in Thailand

I am no expert on Politics in Thailand or for that matter any kind of politics but I do have a keen knowledge and sense of history and having spent a lot of time in Thailand and being married to a Thai woman I can see and feel the massive change that is taking place in that exotically beautiful country.

The disturbing and almost surreal scenes we witnessed only just over a year ago in 2010 of ‘Thai killing Thai‘ certainly set the stage for change and I for one had the inkling that even though those scenes eventually stopped that it would not be the end of it. Of course we know that wasn’t the beginning of it all as there had been previous eruptions of unusual aggression in the country famed for it’s passive and peace loving nature.

The history of French revolution The history of English revolution

But history shows us that once the seeds have been sown they will eventually grow into something more substantial and it seems Thailand’s history like many other countries is being written in front of our very eyes.

What I have found interesting is that only a couple of years ago I was being told to be careful of what I say in Thailand. Even as a Farang, who supports the right to freedom of speech and thought I could find myself in some hot water or even worse if I was not careful. For many Farang it is difficult to conceive the idea that we cannot freely express our opinions and observations whether positive or negative as throughout history we have fought many wars for that right.

It is interesting to witness the changes in attitude of many Thai people who are now beginning to voice a similar objection and express their thoughts, ideas and opinions about their country, their Monarchy and the state of their politics and constitution. This is causing reactions between Thais who hold different views and it doesn’t take much to see that this cause will eventually effect massive change and possibly a Revolution in Thailand.

Usually it takes one empowered leader to stand up and show a passion and commitment for progression of the masses and revolution will surely follow. You might think me being a bit hasty or even excessive using the word Revolution in Thailand but how else would you describe a country that is on the verge of changing old ways that have been bitterly held onto for centuries, to new ways that some are bitterly resisting?

Only recently we are hearing more and more about cases of people being jailed in Thailand for exercising what we call in the West our basic human right of freedom of speech.

The question is just how big will this change be and how fast will it occur. How much resistance will there be from the traditionalists and to what level will force be required to effect the change. We saw last year that the proponents of the change “The red shirts” are prepared to use some force and the resistors “The yellow shirts” are also prepared to use force as well.

However, the difference that we see now is there is a new Thai Government that openly supports the change and so it remains to be seen if this will help in making the change more passive and peaceful without the need for bloodshed and violence we witnessed last year and sadly witness all over the world.Thailand revolution

If it is inconceivable we are on the brink of Revolution in Thailand and is it also inconceivable to wonder if it could be achieved peacefully. History tells us not. Yet Thailand is a very passive country by nature and predominantly Buddhist in culture both of which promote peaceful acceptance of change. Could this be the one key element that could allow true democracy in Thailand to evolve without war?

It looks like 2012 could be a very interesting and profound year in the history of Thailand. Let’s hope that they can demonstrate to the world that change can be made without bloodshed.

 


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Dating a Thai Bar Girl ? – But can you stand the heat!

Some perspective on Western men who want to have a serious relationship with a Thai Bar Girl.

Thai bar girl

Maybe I should title this post “When dating a Thai bar girl…if you can’t stand the heat better get out of the kitchen” because I have seen first hand and read many true stories about Farang who meet a Thai bar girl, begin a relationship with her and then find their life turned upside down by the consistent insecurity of a relationship of this sort.

I don’t want you to get me wrong here, I’m not here to judge. If you want have a serious relationship with a Thai bar girl then that is your choice and we all have free choice and in fact I know of one case where it is successful, at least for now, so I’m not even saying you should not do it.

I think if we look at this in perspective there are a lot of stories out there but much of it is very negative and from a purely Western point of view and always from guys who have been stung. Sadly there are some pretty harsh and bitter comments thrown around about Thai girls and whilst I am not saying that some of those girls are not deserving of them there is always more than one side to a story.

There is perhaps a need for Western men to take some responsibility for their actions

I’m also not saying that the guys who get burned in these relationship have no right to feel hurt, of course they do, just as you can have the right to feel hurt if you are cheated by a Western girl. The point is however that when you enter into a relationship with Thai bar girl you automatically accept a particular set of circumstances which you may well not be able to control and change and if the case turns out you cannot change them and you get hurt in the process then their is a certain amount of personal responsibility you need to take with that.

How many cases are there where a Farang guy was forced into a relationship with a Thai Bar Girl?

This is an important point because mostly Western guys go happily into the fire with a Thai Bar Girl and end up getting burnt which begs the question who’s fault is it really?. I have witnessed cases where Farang make promises of financial support, building houses, presents and all manners of things to Bar Girls in the hope they will give up their work and be exclusive to them.

To look at this with true perspective we have to ask “What did they really expect?”

On the other hand we also have to ask “Is love blind“? Have you ever been so in love, or so desperately obsessed, infatuated with a woman before? If the answer is yes or even a little yes (now think back to those school boy crushes ) then follow that train of thought and feeling and you will be closer to why some men become so seemingly weak and helpless in these situations

Sure the reality check is it’s easy for men to be flattered and  tempted by pretty and petite women 15 or 2o years the younger paying you all manners of compliments while extracting your money with a lovely smile. It’s sweet poison really. But what makes a man continue to chase security from a woman who’s lifestyle is nothing short of the complete opposite? Is it hope or ego thinking he can change her.

Thai Bar Girls…… it’s sweet poison really

Actually to confess I do know of at least one case like this that has so far met with success but the circumstances are favorable in as much as he is able to travel a lot to see her and keep an eye on her. This maybe makes a difference but for many others there is not that luxury. They have to make do with a visit to Thailand now and then and the rest of the time spent wondering what is going on.

If it is just about sex why try to make a serious relationship out of it?

Perhaps these men can be labelled as love sick fools but surprisingly I happen to know many of these men are intelligent with good income and even high level jobs. Perhaps it is just about sex with a much younger pretty woman but surely if it was just about sex then why not just get a new girl each time you go to Thailand? Let’s face it we know that is not too difficult if you visit the right places.

What makes this even more perplexing is that as intelligent as these men might appear to be and armed with the knowledge that their girlfriend really is working or has worked in bars they still continue to worry, to complain and to pine over feelings of insecurity. Is she cheating me, does she really love me, will she stop working in bars, will she stay with me after I build her that house and the list goes on.

We often only see and believe what we want to see and believe

At the end of the day there seems to be very little logic to it which leaves us with the statement that if you really must follow this path then you at some point have to engage your intelligence and accept the rollercoaster of emotions that will accompany a relationship of this nature.

As for the girls well sure some may well be heartless but many really know no different, they come from a completely different background and culture than us Farang and so we must be careful not to try and judge by our standards alone. I am sure when and if the shoe is on the other foot we would have much to say about it and as we have already pointed out…it isn’t exactly entirely their fault is it?

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If you keep a crocodile as pet you must understand it’s nature

The title of this post might make you laugh but when it comes to dealing with some Thai girls it is worth considering!

I have seen and heard of many men from the West who get involved with less sincere Thai girls only to complain when they get hurt or tricked out of money. Now I have to write this post as honest as I can and I dont want to upset anyone on purpose but I know that it might.

But you know the truth is the truth and sometimes there is just no point in pretending

What I have seen is that many western men think they can change these girls..or worse still they try to deny what they really are or were. So here is a couple of pointers to consider.

  1. It might sound noble to take a pretty Thai Girl from a bar and promise to care of her so she does not need to do that anymore but you have to remember old habits die hard, especially without any real psychological techniques to change them. What this means is that if you are going to get involved with a Thai girl like this then you must be prepared for the challenge that surely lies ahead.

The movie Shrek springs to mind here!!..lol You know what I mean? She is really a troll but to him she is a Princess but only in his mind. Or have you seen the movie Shallow Hal? Similar concept where in his mind she is beautiful..in fact she is beautiful on the inside and thats what I mean.

  1. If you take a girl like this as the title of the post suggest..she is likely to bite you a few times. Yes it is theoretically possible to change her..as it is to train a croc  but there is always that inner nature that can turn at anytime. I know some will say they were not born like this and that is true but if they have been doing this for some time then it has become part of their subconscious driver and needs serious work to change and that my friends will take more than just money!
  2. Great patience, understanding and accepting are required along with some knowledge of psychology 101..how to break habitual patterns, how to raise low self esteem and juicy stuff like that. What’s more this will be extremely difficult to do from a distance. You need to keep her close to you and so physical distance of being in different countries will be a real danger.
  3. Lastly as I said at the beginning if you are going to go this route with a Thai girl, for whatever reason and that is completely up to you and your choice then you need to understand her more. You need to understand the nature of girls like this and why they do what they do. Some do just for the money and some see it as a game, some out of desperation and need and some because it pays bills at home and they have low self esteem so don’t care about themselves…and many more reasons I suspect.
  4. If you go into this blindly with your ego flying the flag that you can change her then you you most likely will get done! Sorry but thats the way it is and I know men we like to sometimes think we can do anything, invincible!!! Problem is these girls are hypnotic and you will be in a love trance before you know it and thats when your world will slowly collapse..or quickly in some cases….trouble is you won’t feel a thing until afterwards.

Crocodile is not a pet

So, be clear with yourself. Don’t leave your intelligence back in your own country. Be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions and not blame others if things don’t quite go your way. Understand the nature of the beast and if you must keep a crocodile as a pet, then be aware it may bite you from time to time.

Chok Dee

Dean

Watch Dean’s video post on Why Your Thai Girlfriend will spend all your money!


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Bangkok is a soft City but here is why

For me I believe Bangkok is a soft City but here is why….

Dean at Chao Phraya river Bangkok

You know I have been in Bangkok now for just over 3 months and this is my third visit to this City. I don’t  profess to be any kind of expert but being married to a Thai woman like Angella and as writer and Artist trained in the art of observation along with my travel experiences and background I think I can form valid observations and insights fairly quickly.

I know there are many of you who have been here a lot longer than I have and may have a different view point but I can only tell it from what I see and experience for myself.

And so far my impressions of Bangkok is that it is a soft City.

Let me clarify that this is a positive thing because what I mean about this is that it is not an angry City. Recently we were having coffee with a Swedish friend over at Starbucks at Ari Station and both he and I agreed that Bangkok is not a harsh City. You don’t feel threatened with your personal safety like in other cities.

Bangkok City Skyline by Thai Girlfriend Advisor

For me I grew up in England only a few miles out of South London and can honestly say they are worlds apart as Cities go. That was 20 years ago and since then I have lived in Perth Western Australia which is also a much more relaxed and safer place than London even though over the 20 years I have been there I have seen the sense of safety eroded as sadly I have to say more and more English settle there. But  Bkk even in comparison to Perth feels much safer

Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming the English entirely, but as an Englishman I know our culture very well and we do seem to bring with us a certain aggressiveness wherever we go. Current writer excepted of course..(lol)

English are not the only ones with aggressive tendencies when we live in close proximity to each other

So when I compare that to Bangkok I do believe it is a softer city. I have just not seen the displays of aggressiveness, rudeness and indifference that I am used to. Even in other Cities around the world as our Swedish friend will attest to coming from Stockholm and having lived in Bangkok for nearly 10 years. It seems we English are not the only ones with aggressive tendencies when we live in close proximity to each other.

So what about Bangkok then, why does it appear so soft?

Well firstly to every positive there is a negative and as our friend commented and as I am also aware there is a negative underside to Bangkok. You can just as easily get stabbed, mugged or beaten up as in London if you look for it by placing yourself in those places and situations. But what we identified was that it is the Thai culture of passive show that is one of the big reasons for this soft impression along with of course the strong Buddhist culture which promotes passive kindness.

You might upset a Thai but they will not show you aggression or reaction there and then

What our friend explained to me was that you might well upset a Thai but they will not show you any real aggression or reaction there and then. It is simply not their style to do that. It is not accepted and it is not their way…the famous saying of Greng Jai comes into play here also. But beware, because no sooner have you forgotten all about the incident when you will be confronted by their reaction…maybe in a quite alley somewhere or by some other means.

So this means that although Thais do not show too much reaction and aggression as as say the English will it does not mean they will just let it go. But it does seem that unprovoked displays of aggression or personal attacks are not as commonplace as many of our Western Cities and towns. To me it simply does not seem that Thais go looking for trouble and are much more willing to avoid confrontation, especially in public.

No sign of any trouble as we walked along the highstreet to get a taxi

I am reminded of New Years even which we spent with family at Central World in the middle of Bangkok. Apart from the lovely relaxed mood all evening there was also no sign of any trouble as we walked along the highstreet to get a taxi. Granted there was a lot of Police around but this would also be the case in Perth and London but you would still see trouble.

I feel that Buddhist culture seems to equip them with a higher level of tolerance and patience as can be seen by the driving and road behavior. I swear that if we put some of these antics back in Australia there would be all sorts of carnage on the roads and not caused by car crashes.

I never feel threatened or under any sort of pressure

So this is one of the reasons I have very quickly fallen in love with the place. As a farang I am aware as we all are of how many curious looks and stares we get especially if like me we inhabit areas mostly inhabited by Thai people. Sometimes I feel like an exhibit piece walking down our Soi. But I never feel threatened or under any sort of pressure, even when on occasion I have walked back very late at night from watching Soccer at one of the local beer houses.

There seems to be much more connection between people here also. Not the cold alloofness you experience in London and not the indifference displayed in many other Cities. Here they will actually acknowledge you if they have seen you before, even for me a Farang who they cannot really talk to I am warmed by their friendly attention and politeness.

So my impression is that Bangkok is blessed to be a soft City

So here is to Bangkok the friendly City!!!

All the best and Chok Dee,

Dean

Intercultural and Social Commenter


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