Thai Girlfriend Advisor

Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

Author: Angella (Page 2 of 13)

Thai Bar Girls and Western men

Western men who get involved with Thai Bar Girls.

Thai Bar girls

Discussing the whole issue of Western men being ensnared by Thai Bar girls is a sensitive subject. Let me be clear that I am not here to judge who is right or wrong , I neither support nor condemn. I am just here to share my perspective from my experience of consulting and hearing many sad stories.

To be honest here at TGA we post on various websites about this and it causes no end of controversy but I feel it is important to talk about this openly and so in this post I want to provide a sensitive but honest perspective of what we see from various clients and also with the insight of  a Thai woman who has the opportunity to see it from both sides.

You know the truth is that Thailand has many beautiful things, we have amazing Temples, beautiful palaces, wonderful food, unique culture , friendly people and as many people say we are the land of smiles. But just like any country there will always be a dark side…a negative to the positives and this issue is one of ours but in truth although it gets a lot of attention it really is only a very small part of our society.

beautiful place bangkok thailand

Let me clarify that I am talking specifically about “ Thai Bar girls ” or the type of  Thai girls that tend to make some kind of  living from the gratuity of  Western men visiting  Thailand. I am well aware that there is a further set of Thai girls who are more subtle in this behavior and some who might be classed as normal Thai Girls but are really nothing more than Gold Diggers.

I recently told a client that one of the biggest problems I see for Western men when they get involved with Thai bar girls is that they choose only to believe what they want to believe and see what they want to see.

Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying that it is their fault and that some of those Thai bar girls have no blame but from what I see the girls are doing a job and the men deep down know that but for many reasons choose not to accept it or admit the real truth. I am not saying it could never be possible for a girl to give up the bar work and change her ways for the love of a good honest man but I do think you have to be crystal clear about what would be involved here and that the chances of that happening are low and the risk of men getting hurt either emotionally or financially or in most cases both are high.

farang and thai bar girls

A while ago we posted an article written by Dean called “If you keep a crocodile as a pet you must understand it’s nature” which I have always believed is an excellent perspective on this subject and one that I recommend any Farang involved with a Thai Bar girl type to read because it gives you the right way to think about this type of relationship.

In fact it’s very good marketing…..tell the client what they want to hear…

or sell them what they want to buy!

My point here is that I see many Western men who are well aware of what their new found love is involved with, even to the point where they have had them spied on and caught in the act of cheating on them with another man. But to be honest can we really call this cheating when in fact she is just doing her job and her job is to serve you whatever you want, to make you happy, to make you feel good, to make you feel special , something you can not  get from home and that is the point when you are happy to spend your money, enjoy to spend your time with her  and want to come back to see her again….

NOW YOU ARE  HOOKED!…..  and the problem is that her job will make her tell you exactly what you want to hear and if what you want to hear is  …” You are handsome, you look younger than your age, you look kind and warm to be with,there is no one like you, you are her special love, her real boyfriend “.. blah..blah..blah…… Then that is what she will tell you. In fact it’s very good marketing…..tell the client what they want to hear… sell them what they want to buy!….and that is how she get’s what she wants.

So here is some Advice for Western men who get involved with a Thai Bar Girl.

Just like the crocodile post says. If you really must get involved with a girl like this, if you feel you just cannot do without her then make sure your eyes are open and you are aware of what you are dealing with. Whether you feel you can change the life of a Thai Bar Girl or not is not the issue because for someone to change like that requires a lot of personal work as well as very strong support from a loving partner who can forgive and forget the past because mistrust due to her past will be a major issue.

The issue for Western men is can you accept the results of your choices and actions. If at the end of the day she does cheat on you, she does leave you for a better deal, if she does break your heart and your bank account will you accept that it was as much your choice as it was her job? Will you then become negative to all Thai women and paint them with the same brush?…I hope not!

In another post on this subject I will share some insights from the Thai Bar Girl side…so keep a look out for that

Sawasdee Ka and Chok Dee

 

 

 


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The Master Key to a Successful relationship

Angella Thai Girlfriend Advisor with husband Dean in vietnamI know that relationships are the most important thing in our lives and so we can never stop learning about ways to improve them or some times even just manage them better. There are many keys to a successful relationship but some are more powerful than others and so I would like to share a post with you that was written by myself and Dean on our other site East West Romance Online

Even though this article is not exactly about relationships between Thai women and Western men it most certainly applies to them as well as all relationships. We both heard this statement by someone else but it struck such a chord with us because it is what we both believe to be true and very very powerful and so we gave it the status of being a Master Key to a Successful Relationship and decided to write about it.

I hope you really enjoy the article which you can read here at this link: http://www.eastwestromanceonline.com/the-master-key-to-a-successful-relationship/

Please leave a comment about what you think either here or at the site…

Sawasdee ka for now!

 

 


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learn how to speak Thai – Express Feeling

Learn how to speak Thai with this short video on how to express feeling in Thai language

Learn more on how to speak Thai with this video

http://www.thaigirlfriendadvisor.com/enjoy-learning-thai-language/


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Greng Jai and Thai women

I have written about the subject of Greng Jai and Thai women before on this site but I am going to write another post about this because I get a few questions about it.

Here is the link to the previous post on Greng Jai Thai Culture and Greng Jai

Now I don’t think I can give you a one off explanation that will make it all clear for you but I will talk about what I have noticed so far and hopefully it will at least give you western men some better idea of this Thai culture behavior.

The funny thing is this is not a problem between Thai people, for example  with Thai couple Thai men do not have this problem with their Thai women and so it really seems to be mainly a problem between Farang men and their Thai girlfriends or Thai wives. What seems to confuse Farang is that Greng Jai appears like lying…even my Father in law when I first tried to explain said as a joke ‘oh its like lying then’. So it’s easy for me now to understand this must be confusing for Farang.

 

Greng Jai is not to be confused with lying

We greng jai to make things easy, not make it difficult.For example:Rather than ask for something that we feel may be against your wishes we will say nothing or maybe find another way around it. You see what is important to understand is that we don’t greng jai for no reason…not like we wake up in the morning and decide to greng jai today. There is a reason and the reason is we don’t want to upset. We prefer peaceful ways and non conflict.

Ok here is one example of Greng jai for you:

An Australian man asks his Thai wife…would you like to live with me  in Australia or  in Thailand…. now she may think because maybe he gives this impression that really he wants to live in Australia …so rather than upset him..or not grant his wish  she may greng jai and say. I don’t mind.its up to you…in fact she may want to live in Thailand as Thais like to living near their family…but she wont want to cause a problem and so she greng jai and not tell him exactly what she would like.

So how to tell difference between lying and greng jai…very difficult but greng jai has a reason not to upset. Where lying is trying to conceal something you don’t want the person to know and usually for a negative purpose. For Thai we are born with it.so we can justfeel or sense the truth from greng jai…but for western they are not born with it which make’s it difficult to recognize…for us we have a natural instinct to tell the difference

In some ways you can call it politeness or good manners or not wishing to take advantage..or be greedy or put people out on your behalf. Like not wanting to order something too expensive to eat on a first date…This will typically be with Thai couple date as Thai men can tell this is just greng jai and this is not confusing for them.

I know there are many western men who sadly will say this is all just BS and that really I am trying to cover up for Thai women lying but I can tell you this is not so. Sadly of course in all walks of life there are extremes and manipulators. There is black and white and every shade of grey in between…innocent Thai Greng jai is as I describe it but yes the other extreme it can be used by less scrupulous people to lie and manipulate you…and I understand completely those Farang who have been caught by this.

Ok so another analogy I can think of is with English accents.

I know that people from England will know this very well that there are many changes in accents between county’s…and so to different accents in America if you are from Chicago or Idaho and different accents if you are from Manchester or London. But for a Thai person like me I cannot tell the difference. Perhaps one may sound clearer than another and I can notice a slight difference but I have no idea what is the difference or where that person is from. But for those who are from that country you just know because you have grown up with it. It is the same with Greng jai for Thai people…we just know the difference between blatant lying and greng jai.

So what can you do if your Thai girlfriend greng jai you?

Well the best advice I can give for now is just talk to her. Ask her not to greng jai you. You could also try a tactic like using the reason to greng jai as a reason not to greng jai, here is what I mean:

For example…if you ask a question to choose between 2 holidays one in Norway and one in Italy……try explaining that you don’t want her to greng jai because if she does and chooses the wrong one it will cause a problem, maybe Norway will be cold and she don’t like it but she feel you want to go there and so she greng jai and choose Norway but once you book the tickets and get there you cannot go back, and she will be unhappy and so will you….so now you will make her greng jai to not cause a problem and so she will now choose the one she really wants….I hope that makes sense!

However listen to this warning about Greng Jai and Thai women

This technique will not work with bad insincere people because they want to get what they want. This will work with sincere people because good people will generally greng jai for the right reasons and with a good purpose of being polite and not wanting to offend, upset or cause problem. Just for an easy and peaceful way.

I guess like any relationship issues you also need to be able to read human nature well to tell if they are sincere or not, whether it be Thai or Farang!!..Lol

Read my funny coffee conversation with Dean about Greng Jai here Angella and Dean talk about Greng Jai

 

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Angella and Dean talk about Greng Jai

The subject of Greng Jai is very interesting when it comes to Thai and Farang relationships. I never used to think about it too much before but now I do see how it can cause a problem. I have written about it on this site but this conversation with Dean you might find interesting because he gives a westerner perspective on greng jai.

Angella: So how do you really see greng jai?

 

 

Dean: Well I don’t have too much problem with it because I try to see it for what it is and not what our western culture thinks it should be or whether it is right or wrong and anyway in our own way we greng jai too.

 

Angella: Really?

 

Dean: Western people also Greng jai in fact we actually lie sometimes…greng lie..lol…but serious we do, take this for instance…if we get invited to a party and we don’t want to go we will very often make an excuse not to go..like someone is sick, or we cant get babysitters or we have to work late. In fact we don’t want to go but in the interest of being polite we will make an excuse…but actually this is lying or is it greng jai?

Angella: What about when people get together for dinner and you have take-away because as a Thai I would wait to find out what people want first and then go with that, even if I want something different

 

Dean: Well for us and maybe this is an English/Aussie thing but we will be open about what we all want and then go with a majority decision. We might even make a joke of it all and pretend to be upset but we will do what everyone else wants…but this is joking but we will be open about it all.

I mean really greng jai is in the positive way like you said..a healthy respect for the feelings of other people and not wishing to upset them unnecessarily if you no need to. If you really look at this in the extreme then really in the west we always lie. We are not honest because we don’t go around saying exactly what we think about everything..that would be chaos..lol

Angella: Yes if we did that can you imagine…it would be war all the time

 

Dean: Hahaha…yes like hey what do you think of my new dress does it make me look fat…haha..and you answer, yes actually I don’t like it at all and it makes you look fat and ugly. I mean c’mon we just don’t do that..we would have no friends…lol and we call ourselves honest.

Angella: I have another example story of greng jai. Once when I was working Amway I went to a mans house family. They had very little money and lived in a very small room. I was sat down on the floor and his wife was cooking in a pot right there next to me…his children would sleep right there too. They all lived in this small place and I arrived in my big car and stuff to talk about Network Marketing. They offered me food..and it was just a little bowl. The spoon was sharp and would have to be careful not to cut your mouth. But I felt I could not say no. I greng jai because I felt that it would be rude and they would feel that I pity them too much or maybe feel their food is not good enough for me. So I did have some.

Dean: Wow. Exactly. Actually I can understand that and really it’s a sign of respecting that what they offer you is value to them to offer it to you. They feel honor to give and share this with you so to say no would not be a good thing in that case. That makes a lot of sense

Angella: So Thaïs we greng jai a lot, everyday and all the time but we not do it to lie or be untruthful like many Farang say we do.; I know it seems like an excuse but it is not. Yes of course you will always get some who take it too far and use it in the wrong way but that is because they are not genuine. Sincere and good people only greng jai for the right reason out of respect for others feelings and not to make conflict, we like peaceful and easy and not be difficult.

Dean: Yes I’m sure some Farang will take that and say it is all BS..in fact I have heard some say that and they will say its just a handy excuse for Thaïs to lie. Personally I can understand but I think it is a little shortsighted to think this way and also unfair. Just because they have got mixed up with some unscrupulous Thaïs they paint everyone with the same brush, but you will always get that. The truth is that Farang are not the most honest culture by any means. As I said there is plenty of BS in Western culture.

Angella: So in the West they will greng jai to be polite right?

 

Dean: Sure…and same reason, they will say they are good and honest people yet they will make excuses. And that’s what we call it…making excuses. But really it is lying…what’s the difference. Ok I know really but I just want to make the point so we can see things in perspective and for other westerners not to get too high and mighty about Thaïs and greng jai and how they believe Thaïs lie too much because we are no better , we just give it a different name..lol I’m sure I will get a few comments about this …haha.

Angella: And sure I do say that Western men should be careful of this because some Thai women will use greng jai as an excuse if they are not a sincere Thai. I know this is where we get a bad name from and same some Thai men can also use greng jai in this way but this because they are not sincere Thai.

Dean: Yeah well we just call them con men! or women…or BS artists!! And believe me there are plenty around too, especially in business!

 

Angella: So you think you know greng jai now?

 

Dean: Well not exactly but I know it is part of your culture and so I must accept that and not fight against it, I know that with sincere people it is meant in a good way and not a bad way to conceal or deceive so really it is my own responsibility to be a good judge of character in the first place and sniff out insincere people, just like it is in the West.

 

 


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